PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED

PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED

"Feast of the Vampires"

by Richard Nathan

The spotlight is up on our host, GUS THE GHOUL, while the stage is set up for the next story, which takes place in a dark room inhabited by vampires. Gus speaks to the audience:

                                                             GUS
                                    Are you hungry for more? Or are you
                                    completely fed up? Do you have a taste
                                    for horror - or do you have no taste at
                                    all? You must have come here for
                                    some reason. Maybe you were hoping
                                    for something like our next story, which
                                    we call “The Feast of the Vampires.“

Gus exits. Lights come up on a dark room inhabited by two VAMPIRES.

FIRST VAMPIRE
This is my favorite holiday.

SECOND VAMPIRE
Really?

FIRST VAMPIRE
Absolutely. My very favorite.

SECOND VAMPIRE
Not Halloween?

FIRST VAMPIRE
How long have you been a vampire?

SECOND VAMPIRE
Almost a year.

                                                            FIRST VAMPIRE
                                    And what did you do last month, at
                                    Halloween?

SECOND VAMPIRE
Went hunting.

FIRST VAMPIRE
I take it you didn’t catch anyone?

                                                            SECOND VAMPIRE
                                    No. I couldn’t find anyone who wasn’t in a
                                    crowd of people. How did you know I didn’t
                                    catch anyone?

                                                            FIRST VAMPIRE
                                    Because if you had, you’d know why I hate
                                    Halloween. The blood on Halloween night.
                                    It’s disgusting!

SECOND VAMPIRE
Why?

                                                            FIRST VAMPIRE
                                    The sugar! Why do you think? All the
                                    humans have so much sugar running
                                    through their veins, it’s sickening!
                                    Nauseating!

SECOND VAMPIRE
All the humans? Not just the children?

                                                            FIRST VAMPIRE
                                    The adults keep huge bowls of candy by
                                    the door, supposedly for the children, but
                                    they must keep sampling! And soon the
                                    sugar content in their blood is so high that
                                    sucking their blood is like drinking pure
                                    corn syrup. You get such a sugar rush,
                                    it’s impossible to sleep! Every year, I spend
                                    November First writhing in my coffin,
                                    desperately trying to sleep, but the damn
                                    sugar keeps me awake all day long, all
                                    day crammed into that damned little coffin,
                                    screaming with frustration!

SECOND VAMPIRE
Maybe you should fast on Halloween.

                                                            FIRST VAMPIRE
                                    There‘s no maybe about it. I know I should
                                    fast. But it’s like the adults with the bowl of
                                    candy. It’s too hard not to give in to the desire
                                    for a taste. But enough about Halloween!
                                    Tonight I can feast, knowing tomorrow I will
                                    sleep. Tonight is Thanksgiving.

SECOND VAMPIRE
But don‘t they have pumpkin pie?

                                                            FIRST VAMPIRE
                                    Yes, but the turkey! The turkey makes up
                                    for it. There‘s something in turkey called
                                    tryptophan. The humans’ blood is filled with
                                    it after a Thanksgiving meal. We drink their
                                    blood and we get the tryptophan - the elixir
                                    of sleep! We can drink deeply tonight and
                                    sleep well tomorrow. The best sleep of the
                                    year!

                                                            SECOND VAMPIRE
                                    I know all about tryptophan. Scientists
                                    don‘t believe there's enough in turkey to
                                    make people sleepy.

                                                            FIRST VAMPIRE
                                    Scientists don‘t believe in vampires.
                                    That shows how much they know.
                                    Are you feeling hungry?

SECOND VAMPIRE
Yes. I am.

                                                            FIRST VAMPIRE
                                    So am I. I think our meal has been steeping
                                    in fear long enough. Time to begin the feast!

The first vampire exits and enters a moment later with a terrified VICTIM who is bound and gagged. The victim is terrified and whimpers through the gag. The vampires grab the victim, and one prepares to bite the victim on the left side of the throat and the other on the right.

Blackout! Then the spotlight comes up on Gus.

GUS
Gobble gobble!

THE END

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The author grants all internet users the right to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.