PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED

PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED

"Road Kill"

by Richard Nathan

The spotlight is up on our host, GUS THE GHOUL while the set is prepared for the next story. The set consists of four chairs, to in front and two in back, representing the interior of a car.

                                                            GUS THE GHOUL
                                    Our next story is all about the delights of
                                    being on the road again. And you know
                                    what you generally find on the road again?
                                    Road kill! Which happens to be the title of
                                    our next piece. So please enjoy this piece of
                                    “Road Kill. “

Gus exits as the lights come up on a family driving in the car. JIM, the father, is driving in the driver’s seat. BARBARA, the mother, is seated next to him. Little RACHEL, the daughter, is in the back, listening to her iPod.

RACHEL
I hate this!

JIM
No one likes being stuck in traffic.

RACHEL
I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I said I hate it!

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Don’t drive so close! You’ll get us in another
                                    accident.

                                                            JIM
                                    What kind of accident could we have going three
                                    miles an hour?

BARBARA
I don’t want to find out.

RACHEL
I’m hot!

BARBARA
We’re all hot.

RACHEL
Why doesn’t the air conditioner work?

BARBARA
Your father broke it.

JIM
I didn’t break it.

                                                            BARBARA
                                    I’m sorry. I thought you broke it when you
                                    stopped looking where you were going and hit
                                    that car.

                                                            JIM
                                    Okay. I had an accident. When I had the
                                    accident, the air conditioner stopped
                                    working. But you don’t need to make it
                                    sound like I did something to the air
                                    conditioner.

BARBARA
Cause and effect - that’s all I’m saying.

JIM
Well you can stop saying it.

BARBARA
Oh, I thought it was a free country.

                                                            JIM
                                    There is such a thing as forgiveness.
                                    There is such a thing as common decency!

BARBARA
Only when the air conditioning is working.

RACHEL

Dad!

JIM
What?

RACHEL
I need to use a restroom.

JIM
Do you see a rest room around here?

RACHEL
No.

                                                            JIM
                                    Why didn’t you use it when we stopped for
                                    your mother?

RACHEL
I didn’t need to use it then.

JIM
That was only half an hour ago.

RACHEL
A lot can happen in half an hour.

                                                            BARBARA
                                    A lot can happen in two minutes. You take
                                    your eyes off the road and BAM! you’re in an
                                    accident.

                                                            JIM
                                    Will you shut up about the accident? How
                                    many times do I have to say I’m sorry
                                    about the accident?

BARBARA
Until it fixes the air conditioning.

RACHEL
I need to use a restroom.

                                                            JIM
                                    You’ll have to wait until we get to a
                                    restroom, and at the rate we’re going, that
                                    could take hours!

RACHEL
No! Oh God, no!

JIM
I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do about it.

                                                            RACHEL
                                    That’s not what I meant. My iPod! The
                                    battery just went dead!

BARBARA
So you can recharge it later.

                                                            RACHEL
                                    But what am I going to use to drown out
                                    you?

BARBARA
Very funny.

                                                            RACHEL
                                    How long is it going to take ‘til we get
                                    there?

                                                            JIM
                                    We’re literally moving about three miles
                                    an hour. We could get there faster if we
                                    walked.

RACHEL
It’s too hot to walk. How far is it?

                                                            JIM
                                    How should I know? Am I supposed to
                                    know everything?

BARBARA
No, but something would be nice.

RACHEL
Here comes someone. Why don’t you ask him?

A MAN enters and slowly walks across the stage. When he gets near the car, Jim speaks to him.

                                                            JIM
                                    Excuse me. I was wondering if you could
                                    help us.

MAN
Yes?

                                                            JIM
                                    I’m sorry, but - we just had an accident, and
                                    we’ve only been dead for a few hours. Can
                                    you tell us how long it takes to get to hell?

The Man turns out to the audience and grins fiendishly.

Blackout! The lights come up on GUS, as the actors exit and the chairs are taken off.

                                                            GUS
                                    It’s too bad you couldn’t see the car. After the
                                    accident, it was indented in the front and the
                                    back. It was indented all over. But everyone
                                    knows, the road to hell is paved with good
                                    indentions.

THE END

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The author grants all internet users the right to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.