PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED

 

"Road Kill"

 

by Richard Nathan

 

 

The spotlight is up on our host, GUS THE GHOUL while the set is prepared for the next story.  The set consists of four chairs, to in front and two in back, representing the interior of a car.

 

                                                            GUS THE GHOUL
                                    Our next story is all about the delights of
                                    being on the road again.  And you know
                                    what you generally find on the road again? 
                                    Road kill!  Which happens to be the title of
                                    our next piece.  So please enjoy this piece of
                                    ďRoad Kill. ď

 

Gus exits as the lights come up on a family driving in the car.  JIM, the father, is driving in the driverís seat.  BARBARA, the mother, is seated next to him.  Little RACHEL, the daughter, is in the back, listening to her iPod.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    I hate this!

 

                                                            JIM
                                    No one likes being stuck in traffic.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    I didnít say I didnít like it.  I said I hate it!

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Donít drive so close!  Youíll get us in another
                                    accident.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    What kind of accident could we have going three
                                    miles an hour?

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    I donít want to find out.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    Iím hot! 

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Weíre all hot. 

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    Why doesnít the air conditioner work?

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Your father broke it.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    I didnít break it.

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Iím sorry.  I thought you broke it when you
                                    stopped looking where you were going and hit
                                    that car.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Okay.  I had an accident.  When I had the
                                    accident, the air conditioner stopped
                                    working.  But you donít need to make it
                                    sound like I did something to the air
                                    conditioner.

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Cause and effect - thatís all Iím saying.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Well you can stop saying it.

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Oh, I thought it was a free country.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    There is such a thing as forgiveness. 
                                    There is such a thing as common decency!

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Only when the air conditioning is working.

 

                                                            RACHEL

                                    Dad!

 

                                                            JIM
                                    What?

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    I need to use a restroom.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Do you see a rest room around here?

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    No.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Why didnít you use it when we stopped for
                                    your mother?

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    I didnít need to use it then.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    That was only half an hour ago.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    A lot can happen in half an hour.

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    A lot can happen in two minutes.  You take
                                    your eyes off the road and BAM! youíre in an
                                    accident.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Will you shut up about the accident?  How
                                    many times do I have to say Iím sorry
                                    about the accident?

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Until it fixes the air conditioning.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    I need to use a restroom.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Youíll have to wait until we get to a
                                    restroom, and at the rate weíre going, that
                                    could take hours!

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    No!  Oh God, no!

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Iím sorry, thereís nothing I can do about it.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    Thatís not what I meant.  My iPod!  The
                                    battery just went dead!

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    So you can recharge it later. 

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    But what am I going to use to drown out
                                    you?

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    Very funny.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    How long is it going to take Ďtil we get
                                    there?

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Weíre literally moving about three miles
                                    an hour.  We could get there faster if we
                                    walked.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    Itís too hot to walk.  How far is it?

 

                                                            JIM
                                    How should I know?  Am I supposed to
                                    know everything?

 

                                                            BARBARA
                                    No, but something would be nice.

 

                                                            RACHEL
                                    Here comes someone.  Why donít you ask him?

 

A MAN enters and slowly walks across the stage.  When he gets near the car, Jim speaks to him.

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Excuse me.  I was wondering if you could
                                    help us.

 

                                                            MAN
                                    Yes?

 

                                                            JIM
                                    Iím sorry, but - we just had an accident, and
                                    weíve only been dead for a few hours.  Can
                                    you tell us how long it takes to get to hell?

 

The Man turns out to the audience and grins fiendishly.

 

Blackout!  The lights come up on GUS, as the actors exit and the chairs are taken off.

 

                                                            GUS
                                    Itís too bad you couldnít see the car.  After the 
                                    accident, it was indented in the front and the
                                    back.  It was indented all over.  But everyone
                                    knows, the road to hell is paved with good
                                    indentions.

 

 

THE END

  

 

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© 2007 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet users the right to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.