PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED

 

"Sick Daze "

 

by Richard Nathan

 

 

The spotlight is up on our host, GUS THE GHOUL. 

                                               

                                                                        GUS THE GHOUL
                                                Our next story takes place on the night of the
                                                first Monday in September Ė Labor Day.  Youíre
                                                not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, unless
                                                you get absolutely all of the bloodstains out.  This
                                                little treasure is called, ďSick Daze.Ē

 

Gus exits.  Lights come up on the dimly lit back room of Mortonís 24-Hour Launderette.  MORTON, the owner, is getting ready to leave.  JACKSON, who has the night shift, wants to speak to Morton.  Jackson does not look well.

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                Excuse me!  Mr. Morton?

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                Yeah?

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                Iím not feeling well.  I think I need a sick night.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                No.

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                But I really feel bad!!!

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                You take off too many sick nights.

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                No!  Iím sure I havenít taken more than
                                                ten or twelve this past year.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                Thatís too many!

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                Mr. Morton, I really think you donít want me
                                                here tonight.  The customers wonít want me
                                                here.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                This is an all night launderette.  Someone has to
                                                be here!

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                Maybe you could stay?

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                I own the place!  I donít work here!  I just come
                                                by to collect the money.

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                Maybe you could close it, just this one night.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                If I close it tonight, it wonít be an all night
                                                launderette, will it?

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                Just this one night.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                Even one night Ė word would spread among our
                                                customers.  ďMortonís is supposed to be an all night
                                                launderette Ė but last night it was closed.  You canít
                                                count on them.  You better go to some other all night
                                                launderette that really is an all night launderette.!Ē 
                                                Talk like that is going to lead to bankruptcy.  You
                                                want me to go bankrupt?

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                I really feelÖ.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                I donít believe you!  Youíre not sick!  I know why you
                                                want tonight off!

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                You know???

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                You asked me for this night off a week ago!  Because itís
                                                Labor Day!  Because you donít want to work on Labor
                                                Day!  Because itís a special day for commies like you,
                                                and all your commie buddies wouldnít respect you if they
                                                found out you were working on the great, holy, commie

                                                holiday.

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                Iím not a commie.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                Listen, I know all about Labor Day and the commies,
                                                probably more than you do.  Did you know most countries
                                                that have a Labor Day celebrate it on May first?  But not
                                                the good old USA!  And you know why not?

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                No.  I donít care about Labor Day.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                Not much you donít.  The commies want Labor Day to
                                                be on May first, because thatís the day that follows
                                                Walpurgis Night Ė April Thirtieth.  The night when evil
                                                rules, when witches hold black Sabbaths and sacrifice
                                                virgins to the devil, and commies celebrate the working man. 
                                                Thatís what happens on Walpurgis Night.  But the USA
                                                government knew the commies wanted to mislead workers
                                                down the path of sin Ė so the USA government said we
                                                wonít have our Labor Day anywhere near Walpurgis Night. 
                                                If we have to have a Labor Day, itíll be in September.  And
                                                it wonít be any celebration of the working man Ė itíll be a
                                                celebration of the working man having to go back to work
                                                without any more summer vacations Ė cause summer is
                                                over, and everyone is going back to work Ė back to labor -
                                                and thatís what Labor Day means in the good old USA,
                                                you worthless commie bastard!

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                Iím not a commie.  I donít want tonight off because
                                                itís Labor Day.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                Bull.

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                I wanted tonight off because thereís a full moon tonight,

                                                just like there was a full moon every other time I took a sick

                                                night.

 

                                                                        MORTON
                                                So what?  Are you some kind of a full moon worshipping
                                                commie.

 

                                                                        JACKSON
                                                No.  Not a commie at all.  Iím a werewolf.

 

Jackson stands in front of Morton.  Jacksonís back is to the audience, so we canít see his transformation.  We can just hear his guttural GROWL.  Morton looks at him and SCREAMS.

 

Blackout!   A spotlight picks up Gus.  Morton and Jackson exit in the blackout.

 

                                                                        GUS
                                                The next day, they found what remained of Mortonís
                                                body in the back room.  But his clothes were remarkably
                                                clean!

 

 

THE END

 

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© 2007 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

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