PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED
"Sick Daze "
by Richard Nathan
The spotlight is up on our host, GUS THE GHOUL.
GUS THE GHOUL
Our next story takes place on the night of the
first Monday in September Ė Labor Day. Youíre
not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, unless
you get absolutely all of the bloodstains out. This
little treasure is called, ďSick Daze.Ē
Gus exits. Lights come up on the dimly lit back room of Mortonís 24-Hour Launderette. MORTON, the owner, is getting ready to leave. JACKSON, who has the night shift, wants to speak to Morton. Jackson does not look well.
Excuse me! Mr. Morton?
Iím not feeling well. I think I need a sick night.
But I really feel bad!!!
You take off too many sick nights.
No! Iím sure I havenít taken more than
ten or twelve this past year.
Thatís too many!
Mr. Morton, I really think you donít want me
here tonight. The customers wonít want me
This is an all night launderette. Someone has to
Maybe you could stay?
I own the place! I donít work here! I just come
by to collect the money.
Maybe you could close it, just this one night.
If I close it tonight, it wonít be an all night
launderette, will it?
Just this one night.
Even one night Ė word would spread among our
customers. ďMortonís is supposed to be an all night
launderette Ė but last night it was closed. You canít
count on them. You better go to some other all night
launderette that really is an all night launderette.!Ē
Talk like that is going to lead to bankruptcy. You
want me to go bankrupt?
I really feelÖ.
I donít believe you! Youíre not sick! I know why you
want tonight off!
You asked me for this night off a week ago! Because itís
Labor Day! Because you donít want to work on Labor
Day! Because itís a special day for commies like you,
and all your commie buddies wouldnít respect you if they
found out you were working on the great, holy, commie
Iím not a commie.
Listen, I know all about Labor Day and the commies,
probably more than you do. Did you know most countries
that have a Labor Day celebrate it on May first? But not
the good old USA! And you know why not?
No. I donít care about Labor Day.
Not much you donít. The commies want Labor Day to
be on May first, because thatís the day that follows
Walpurgis Night Ė April Thirtieth. The night when evil
rules, when witches hold black Sabbaths and sacrifice
virgins to the devil, and commies celebrate the working man.
Thatís what happens on Walpurgis Night. But the USA
government knew the commies wanted to mislead workers
down the path of sin Ė so the USA government said we
wonít have our Labor Day anywhere near Walpurgis Night.
If we have to have a Labor Day, itíll be in September. And
it wonít be any celebration of the working man Ė itíll be a
celebration of the working man having to go back to work
without any more summer vacations Ė cause summer is
over, and everyone is going back to work Ė back to labor -
and thatís what Labor Day means in the good old USA,
you worthless commie bastard!
Iím not a commie. I donít want tonight off because
itís Labor Day.
I wanted tonight off because thereís a full moon tonight,
just like there was a full moon every other time I took a sick
So what? Are you some kind of a full moon worshipping
No. Not a commie at all. Iím a werewolf.
Jackson stands in front of Morton. Jacksonís back is to the audience, so we canít see his transformation. We can just hear his guttural GROWL. Morton looks at him and SCREAMS.
Blackout! A spotlight picks up Gus. Morton and Jackson exit in the blackout.
The next day, they found what remained of Mortonís
body in the back room. But his clothes were remarkably
© 2007 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet users the right to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.