APRIL GHOUL’S DAY
by Richard Nathan
The spotlight is up on our host, GUS THE GHOUL, while the stage is set up for the next story, which takes place in a cheap furnished apartment. Gus speaks to the audience:
April is the ghoul-est month.
honor of the month of April, we
present this story I call, “April
Gus exits. Lights come up on the furnished apartment. Present are ANDY and his girlfriend MARIA and their acquaintance OLIVE. Olive is ranting:
He is like such a total dork. I mean,
like I know it’s not a crime to have
no sense of style, but like maybe it
should be. I just… I hate him. Okay,
I know the bible says we should like, …
I don’t know…. be nice to people…
Yeah, that’s what the bible says.
I think it’s in the New Testament.
And I try! I really try! Especially
with people I like. But there’s a limit,
you know? And for me, Melvin is
like way past the limit.
It’s worse than you think.
No. It couldn’t. No way!
Melvin is totally obsessed with
“Playhouse of the Damned.”
He’s got a poster of Gus the
Ghoul in his bedroom.
Eeewwwww! I mean….
Eeewwwww! I’m like totally
embarrassed to even admit I’ve
even heard of “Playhouse of
the….” you know. It’s like
so.. so dorky!
Which is why we’re punking
Melvin. We’re going to do
something awful to him.
You understand what to do,
You’ve only told me like fifty times!
I lie under the sheet like I’m dead,
and then when you pull the sheet off, I
like sit up and yell, “Happy New Year!”
No. Today is April First. You don’t
say, “Happy New Year.” You say,
“April Fools, Melvin!”
That’s what I meant.
Okay! I hear them coming up the
We told you! Tony’s bringing him!
For the special dinner!
Get under the sheet and act dead!
Olive lies on a table or she could just lie down on the floor. Maria covers her with a sheet. Maria and Andy stand in front of Olive, so that she won’t be immediately visible to Melvin when he enters. An instant later, TONY, a friend of Maria and Andy, enters with MELVIN.
Okay, I want my surprise!
First you have to guess what it is.
It‘s something we think you‘ll really
Umm… Is it porn?
No. It’s not porn.
It’s not a hooker.
You’ve never even had a hooker! You told me
you’ve never had any woman.
But I’d like one.
Melvin, what do you like best in
all the world?
Besides porn! Besides porn and
Melvin thinks this over for a minute.
Playhouse of the Damned!!!
That’s right. Playhouse of the
Damned and Gus the Ghoul.
And we like Playhouse of the
Damned too. You know why,
Because we’re ghouls.
Flesh eating ghouls.
Melvin is shocked. We can’t tell if he’s pleasantly shocked or unpleasantly shocked – but we can tell he’s shocked.
There’s nothing like cutting off
a hunk of meat from a dead
person, and eating it while the
blood drips down your chin.
And knowing you, Melvin,
we thought you might like to
join us for dinner. We have a
nice fresh corpse.
Maria and Andy step away from the sheet covered Olive, so that Melvin can see her (although she’s still covered by the sheet.
So what do you say, Melvin?
You want to dig in?
Melvin looks delighted. Melvin pulls a big dagger out of his pocket, and plunges it through the sheet into Olive. Olive screams and rises.
Like… stabbed you.
Yes he did.
Just as we planned. You see,
we really are ghouls.
But it’s so hard to find corpses
without that nasty formaldehyde.
We always suspected Melvin was
secretly a serial killer…
Yeah, I am.
So we invited him to dinner…
and the joke’s on you!
Happy April Ghoul’s Day.
Blackout! Everyone exits. GUS THE GHOUL enters. A spotlight picks up Gus.
It’s so nice when fiends get together
to celebrate the holidays. Especially
when they all gather round for a
Click here to go to another PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED story
© 2007 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
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