THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
"Judith of the Jungle!"
by Richard Nathan
Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:
At age twenty-five, Judith Weinberger was
one of the most promising creative executives
in Hollywood. Then a script she passed on
became a mega-blockbuster at another
studio. Scorned by the people she thought
were her friends, Judith Weinberger left
Hollywood, never to be seen at the studios
again. But now, ten years later, in Africa, she
is a legend! She is... JUDITH OF THE
Lights come up on JUDITH OF THE JUNGLE, doing her nails. Enter a WARDEN from Judith's private animal sanctuary.
Judith of the Jungle! Thank goodness I found
Judith swats a bug.
You know what I hate about the jungle?
The bugs! Sometimes I hate the humidity
too, but mostly I hate the bugs.
You must come immediately!
Who knew there were so many bugs in Africa?
I sure didn't. If I'd known there were so many
farcockteh bugs, I'd have gone to the Yukon.
There is a poacher in your private animal sanctuary,
hunting your rhinos. You must stop him!
Oy gevalt! Again with the poachers!
The animals are counting on you!
You put it that way, what can I do? I'll
go save the cockamamie rhinoceroses!
Judith runs out. The Warden also exits. After a moment, a HUNTER enters, carrying a rifle. He spots a rhino off-stage and raises his rifle to aim it. But before he can pull the trigger, Judith of the Jungle runs in and pushes the rifle so that the Hunter's shot goes up into the sky.
You ruined my shot!
Better I should ruin your shot, than you
should ruin a perfectly good rhinoceros.
You don't understand! I need that rhino!
Don't tell me. Someone told you the horn
is an aphrodisiac, right? Right? And for this,
you came all the way to Africa? What, you
couldn't go to the corner drugstore and buy
some Viagra, maybe a little Cialis? You
don't even have to go the drugstore! I hear
you can get such a good deal on the Internet!
It's not a question of... dysfunction. It's more
fundamental than that. I've tried those drugs.
My wife still isn't.... Oh, you wouldn't
What's not to understand? You've got a tiny
Shmeckel. Bubbellah, for your problem, the
rhino horn won't do bupkis.
But there must be something! My wife is so
unhappy! She's making my life miserable.
Don't be so farklempt. She married you,
right? So there must be something about
you she likes, right? I'm thinking maybe
it's the money, am I right? So look, instead of
spending so much to go to Africa, you should
spend a little more on your wife, give her
some jewelry, a new wardrobe, maybe a nice
vacation, - but not to Africa! Too many
bugs. You do all that, I guarantee she
won't be such a nudje.
Maybe you're right. I think I'll give it a try.
It couldn't hurt!
They shake hands.
Judith runs off. The Warden enters.
Who was that woman? Do you know?
That was Judith of the Jungle! She is
magnificent, is she not?
She's not chopped liver!!!
here to go to more
THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
© 2005 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
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