THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!

"Judith of the Jungle!"

                                                               by Richard Nathan

 

Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:

                                                            VOICE
                                    At age twenty-five, Judith Weinberger was
                                    one of the most promising creative executives
                                    in Hollywood.  Then a script she passed on 
                                    became a mega-blockbuster at another
                                    studio.  Scorned by the people she thought
                                    were her friends, Judith Weinberger left
                                    Hollywood, never to be seen at the studios
                                    again.  But now, ten years later, in Africa, she
                                    is a legend!  She is... JUDITH OF THE
                                    JUNGLE! 

Lights come up on JUDITH  OF THE JUNGLE, doing her nails.  Enter a WARDEN from Judith's private animal sanctuary.  

                                                            WARDEN
                                    Judith of the Jungle!  Thank goodness I found
                                    you!

Judith swats a bug.

                                                            JUDITH
                                    You know what I hate about the jungle?
                                    The bugs!  Sometimes I hate the humidity
                                    too, but mostly I hate the bugs.

                                                            WARDEN
                                    You must come immediately!

                                                            JUDITH
                                    Who knew there were so many bugs in Africa? 
                                    I sure didn't.  If I'd known there were so many
                                    farcockteh bugs, I'd have gone to the Yukon. 

                                                            WARDEN
                                    There is a poacher in your private animal sanctuary,
                                    hunting your rhinos.  You must stop him!

                                                            JUDITH
                                    Oy gevalt!  Again with the poachers! 

                                                            WARDEN
                                    The animals are counting on you!

                                                            JUDITH
                                    You put it that way, what can I do?  I'll 
                                    go save the cockamamie rhinoceroses!

Judith runs out.  The Warden also exits.  After a moment, a HUNTER enters, carrying a rifle.  He spots a rhino off-stage and raises his rifle to aim it.  But before he can pull the trigger, Judith of the Jungle runs in and pushes the rifle so that the Hunter's shot goes up into the sky.

                                                            HUNTER
                                    You ruined my shot!

                                                            JUDITH
                                    Better I should ruin your shot, than you
                                    should ruin a perfectly good rhinoceros.

                                                            HUNTER
                                    You don't understand!  I need that rhino!

                                                            JUDITH
                                    Don't tell me.  Someone told you the horn
                                    is an aphrodisiac, right?  Right?  And for this, 
                                    you came all the way to Africa?  What, you
                                    couldn't go to the corner drugstore and buy
                                    some Viagra, maybe a little Cialis?  You
                                    don't even have to go the drugstore!  I hear 
                                    you can get such a good deal on the Internet! 

                                                        HUNTER
                                    It's not a question of... dysfunction.  It's more
                                    fundamental than that.  I've tried those drugs. 
                                    My wife still isn't....  Oh, you wouldn't
                                    understand.

                                                        JUDITH
                                    What's not to understand?  You've got a tiny
                                    Shmeckel.  Bubbellah, for your problem, the
                                    rhino horn won't do bupkis. 

                                                        HUNTER
                                    But there must be something!  My wife is so
                                    unhappy!  She's making my life miserable.

                                                        JUDITH
                                    Don't be so farklempt.  She married you,
                                    right?  So there must be something about
                                    you she likes, right?  I'm thinking maybe
                                    it's the money, am I right?  So look, instead of
                                    spending so much to go to Africa, you should 
                                    spend a little more on your wife, give her
                                    some jewelry, a new wardrobe, maybe a nice
                                    vacation, - but not to Africa!  Too many
                                    bugs.  You do all that, I guarantee she
                                    won't be such a nudje. 

                                                        HUNTER
                                    Maybe you're right.  I think I'll give it a try.

                                                        JUDITH
                                    It couldn't hurt!

                                                        HUNTER
                                    Thank you!

They shake hands.

                                                        JUDITH
                                    Zie gezunt!

Judith runs off.  The Warden enters.

                                                        HUNTER
                                    Who was that woman?  Do you know?

                                                        WARDEN
                                    That was Judith of the Jungle!  She is
                                    magnificent, is she not?

                                                        HUNTER
                                    She's not chopped liver!!!

BLACKOUT!

THE END

 

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2005 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.