THE PARODY ZONE

                                                                                        By Richard Nathan

No one is on the stage.  The voice of the HOST is heard (either from the wings or from the sound system).

                                                            HOST
                                                    (off-stage)
                                    There is a world that exists outside the edges
                                    of the imagination, an unearthly  realm that 
                                    shamelessly rips off a classic television series 
                                    of the Nineteen Sixties.  Our lawyers have
                                    demanded that we call this place ... The
                                    Parody Zone. 

The "Parody Zone" theme music is played.

Lights come up as GEORGE BUSH enters with a NAVY PILOT, both dressed in flight suits enter and sit on two chairs, side by side.  The Pilot is flying an   S-3B Viking Jet aircraft. 

                                                            BUSH
                                    Hey!  Cool jet!  How 'bout letting me fly her?  
                                    Just for a minute.  That'd be neat.

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    I'm sorry, Mr. President.  My orders are that
                                    I maintain control at all times.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Oh, come on.  I'm Commander in Chief! 
                                    That means I make the orders.

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    It's against the rules.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Hey!  I'll tell you what's against the rules! 
                                    Disobeying your President!  Oh come on,
                                    just let me take over for a minute.  Just so's
                                    I can tell Cheney I did it.  He thinks he's so
                                    great.  I bet he's never flown a S-2B2!

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    This is an S-3B,  Mr. President.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Whatever.  We didn't have these when I was
                                    in the Guard.  I don't think.  My memory of
                                    those days is a little hazy.  Hey, you let me take
                                    over the controls, or you may find yourself
                                    re-assigned to latrine duty in Gitmo Bay.

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    All right, Mr. President.  But just for a minute.

Bush takes the controls.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Yeeee - Hawwww!

Enter the Host.

                                                            HOST
                                    Picture if you will, President George W. Bush,
                                    former Texas National Guard deserter, who
                                    has now decided he wants to play soldier.  It
                                    is May 1, 2003, and President Bush's 
                                    planned destination is the Air Craft Carrier 
                                    USS Abraham Lincoln.  Little does he realize
                                    that his flight path has been re-directed
                                    to take him on a journey into the heart of ...
                                    The Parody Zone.

Exit the Host. 

A STROBE LIGHT goes on and off.  Bush and the Pilot are disoriented. 

                                                            BUSH
                                    What the heck's wrong with this jet?  You
                                     fix this, right now!  You hear me?!!?

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    I'm trying Mr. President.

The lighting goes back to normal.  Bush looks down through a window.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Look!  Down there!  There's the aircraft carrier!

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    That doesn't look like any aircraft carrier I've
                                    ever seen!

                                                            BUSH
                                    Well, I'm the President.  That means, what
                                    I say goes.  I say we land!  So let's go!

The Navy Pilot speaks into his radio.

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    This is Navy 1, coming in for a landing. 
                                    Prepare the deck!

Bush covers his eyes as the pilot lands.

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    We've landed, Mr. President.

Bush and the pilot exit the jet.  Enter a CIVILIAN.

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    I don't believe it!

                                                            BUSH
                                    Hey!  Where's my "Mission Accomplished"
                                    banner?  And where's my cheering crowds? 
                                    Rummy promised me cheering crowds!

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    I'm afraid you're a little late for cheering crowds. 

                                                            BUSH
                                    Late?  How can I be late?  I'm President!  Nothing
                                    ever starts 'til I get there and they play "Hail to the
                                    Chief."

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    Not anymore.  Not anymore.  This is 2026. 
                                    You must have flown through the time barrier, 
                                    into the future.

                                                            BUSH
                                    The future!  Cool!  Hey, do you have those ray
                                    guns here, like on "Star Trek!"  I want a ray
                                    gun.  I bet Cheney and Rummy never had a
                                    ray gun!

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    I wouldn't trust you with a water pistol.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Hey!  You know who I am?

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    You are George Bush, the worst President in
                                    the history of the United States.

                                                            BUSH
                                    No, you got me confused with my Daddy.  I'm 
                                    George W. Bush.  He was George H. W. Bush. 
                                    I'm the one without an H.

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    You're the one without a clue.  I know who you are!  
                                    Look at you!  You're pathetic!  You look like you
                                    stuffed a pair of socks in your crotch.

                                                            BUSH
                                    That shows how much you know!  I stuffed two pairs 
                                    of socks.

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    Pathetic!  Do you realize what you did?  Because
                                    of your failure of leadership, the United States went
                                    bankrupt, which led to the collapse of the U.S. 
                                    government, which led to the collapse of other
                                    governments all over the world!

                                                            BUSH
                                    Well, sounds like I got a lot of governments off the
                                    people's backs.  That's a good thing.  So, what are
                                    you doing on this ship? 

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    When the polar ice caps melted, those of us who lost
                                    our homes to the floods had a choice, either move
                                    onto all the ships that were abandoned when the Navy
                                    collapsed, or go live in Midwestern states ruled by
                                    the Christian fundamentalists.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Wow!  Better and better!  Christians, huh?

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    They live a simple existence.  Most of them are
                                    farmers.  All the wealthy businessmen were
                                    killed in the revolution.

                                                            BUSH
                                    Hey!  That's not right!  Killing wealthy businessmen!  
                                    I'm a wealthy businessman!  That's just wrong! 
                                    I got to fix that!

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    You have to go back in time!  Fly back through the
                                    time barrier!  Offer real leadership!  Correct your
                                    mistakes!

                                                            BUSH
                                    Mistakes?  I got a problem with that whole notion. 
                                    Mistakes - my mistakes - thinking about it makes
                                    my head hurt.  

                                                            CIVILIAN
                                    You've been given a chance.  A chance to do things
                                    differently.  You can go back and do it right this time. 
                                    You can go back and not be the worst President ever!

                                                            BUSH
                                    You're right!  I'm gonna go back and be better! 
                                    Let's go!

The Civilian exits.  Bush and the Navy Pilot go back to the chairs and take off.

                                                            BUSH
                                    This is great.  I've been given a chance to be a 
                                    better President.   Just like he said.

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    What are you going to do?

                                                            BUSH
                                    I'm gonna fix everything!  Gonna be a real
                                    leader!

                                                            NAVY PILOT
                                    How?

                                                            BUSH
                                    Well, you heard what that guy said!  He said two
                                    pairs of socks in my crotch was pathetic.  Well,
                                    I'm gonna put in three pairs!!!

Enter the Host.

                                                            HOST
                                    George W. Bush... dragging the whole world behind
                                    him... down, down, down, into the depths... of the
                                    Parody Zone.

BLACKOUT!


        THE END

2006 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.

 

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