THE PARODY ZONE 3
By Richard Nathan
No one is on the stage. The voice of the HOST is heard (either from the wings or from the sound system).
There is a world that exists outside the edges
of the imagination, an unearthly realm that
shamelessly rips off a classic television series
of the Nineteen Sixties. Our lawyers have
demanded that we call this place ... The
The "Parody Zone" theme music is played as the host exits.
Lights come up on the Oval Office. GEORGE BUSH sits in a chair, looking depressed. Enter DICK CHENEY.
George, we've got a problem.
No kidding. Lately I feel like everywhere I
look there's some problem looking back at me.
I don't get it, Dick. What's the point in being
President if I keep having all these problems?
We've only got one problem, George. You!
Hey, don't you start in on me! I'm still top
man here. I'm still the head cheese!
Then start acting like it! I swear, you used
to look as happy as Ronnie Reagan. But
these days, you look as depressed as Jimmy
Carter. People don't like a moper, George.
And they're starting not to like you.
Aw, you sound like Laura.
It's time to buck up, George. Smile, smile,
smile!!! That's what people want to see.
A happy president. What have you got to
be depressed about?
I don't know. The war, maybe? I'm not sure
the war's really been going as well as I've been
saying it's been going. It's not like it was at the
beginning, when we'd just bomb everything and
watch the explosions on television.
Those were good times, George.
Now we're supposed to be helping people. We
can't just kill them. We have to kill some and
help some others. And no one knows who to kill
and who to help. It's gotten all complicated!
You just leave all that part to me, George. I'll do the
hard stuff. You just smile. That's what you do
best, George. Smile, smile, smile!
How, Dick? How do I make myself smile?
Well, . . . think of something that makes you
happy, George. What's the happiest you've
ever been? What was your all time favorite
thing to do?
My all time favorite thing? I guess.... I
guess it was when I was a boy, back in
Midland, Texas. I remember, after it would
rain hard, and everything was all shiny wet and
bright, and the frogs would all come out to
play, and my friends and me, we'd run
after those frogs, laughing and hollering,
and when we caught one, it would croak and
wriggle in our hands, it tickled when it did that...
and then we'd stuff it with a lit firecracker
and throw it in the air and watch it explode!
That's what made me happy, Dick. And
that's what I miss most! Exploding frogs
Enter the HOST. Bush and Cheney freeze while the Host is on stage.
Meet George W. Bush, current President
of the United States and former exploder
of frogs. George W. Bush, longing to
find his way back to his boyhood in Texas, but
instead about to find his way ... into the
Exit the Host. Bush and Cheney resume their conversation.
Hell, George. You're President. You can
can have all the exploding frogs you want.
Do whatever it takes, but you better start
smiling again. That's your job, George!
It isn't hard! Just smile, smile, smile!
I wish it was that easy.
Enter a DEVIL.
What makes you think it's not?
Hey! Who're you? How'd you get in here?
Let's just say I'm a friend of the Vice
You mean... You're from Halliburton.
I'm from Hell-iburton!
You're the Devil? Hey, I'm a follower of Jesus!
Jesus? The one who told his followers to
give everything you own to the poor? Who said,
"Turn the other cheek?" Who said, "Blessed are
When you put it that way, he sounds like a
Face it, George. You're on my side. You've
always been on my side. And I've
come to reward you. I've come to fulfill
You mean, you're going to take me back to
Midland, Texas, and the exploding frogs!
That's exactly what I'm going to do, George!
Back to the exploding frogs!
And I don't have to give you my soul or anything?
You've already paid for this trip, George! I've
just come to give you the reward you so richly
Well let's go! Time's a-wasting!
The Devil gestures. The lights swirl on and off as the Devil backs off-stage. The lights stop swirling. Bush looks around and is delighted by what he sees. He almost swoons. He sits down on the stage.
I'm back! Back in Texas, after a rainstorm!
Listen to all the frogs croaking! Dick was
right! It's easy to smile! Huh! Boy, that
grass is high! Hey, it looks like it's getting
higher! What's going on here? Hey,
that grass is as high as me.
Bush's voice starts to get deep and rough. It's becoming a croaking sound. Bush starts moving into the position of a frog.
Why do I feel so funny? And cold? Hey! My
skin! My skin is all green! What's going on?
Why do I feel like eating flies? Hey! What's that
shadow? Big! Blotting out the sun! It's a giant!
A giant kid! No! Kid! Get away from me!
Get away from me with that firecracker! I'm
the President of the United States!!! Ahhhh!!!
Enter the Host! Bush freezes!
George W. Bush, playing a part in a rerun of
his childhood dream, but not the part he
expected. Wishes have a way of coming
true in unexpected ways, and tables have
a way of turning, and nowhere is that as
true ... as in the Parody Zone!
© 2006 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
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