THEATER OF
THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
"A Pirate Christmas With Captain Roderick Reef!"
by Richard Nathan
Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:
VOICE
Avast, me hearties! Climb aboard the
good ship Roving Finn, and raise the Jolly
Roger! 'Tis time to set sail with bravest
pirate ever to cruise the Spanish Main! 'Tis
time to join The Piratical Voyages of
Captain Roderick Reef!!!
Lights come up on the Captain's Cabin on the good ship Roving Finn! Two pirates, YELLOWTOOTH PETE and FILTHY JOE are in the midst of a swordfight. JOAN HARDY, a female pirate, and JUANITA LOPEZ a beautiful young woman disguised as a cabin boy, watch the duel.
PETE
Harr! My Christmas gift to you is
tempered steel, which I will personally
deliver to your black heart!!!
JOE
That be a gift I'll return to you!
Enter CAPTAIN RODERICK REEF. He draws his own sword and separates the two members of his crew!
REEF
Cease your brawling at once! Can't I go
on deck for a minute, without you two
spoiling our Christmas?
PETE
He spoiled it, Cap'n! He broke the rules
of our gift exchange!
JOE
Harr! Ye lie through your rotten teeth, ye
scurvy dog!
PETE
Cap'n, were it not agreed that our gifts be
valued between half a pound and three
pounds?
JOE
All right. I may have bent that rule slightly.
PETE
Slightly, ye say! Look at what he give me,
Cap'n! A rusty dagger!
Pete shows Reef the rusty dagger that Pete received as a Christmas gift from Joe.
JOE
Aye, the dagger be rusty! But the diamond on
the hilt sparkles clean like a star!
PETE
Diamond??? Why, so there be! I beg your
pardon, Filthy Joe. You're a generous
friend. Merry Christmas!
JOE
Merry Christmas, Yellowtooth Pete!
REEF
And Merry Christmas to all! There are double
rations of grog for all on the deck! Better hurry,
before it's gone!
PETE
Harrrr! Grog and Christmas!
JOE
Christmas and grog!
Pete and Joe slap each other on the back and exit. Reef puts his sword down on a chair.
JOAN
You've a soft heart for a pirate captain,
Roderick Reef, but I can't deny ye
have a loyal crew! Merry Christmas,
Reef.
She kisses him, and exits to get her share of the grog. Reef turns to Juanita.
REEF
Why so glum, Juan?
JUANITA
Everyone's gone on deck, Roderick. You
can call me Juanita.
REEF
Why so glum, Juanita? Didn't you enjoy
the gift exchange?
JUANITA
It was fine. It reminded me a little of the
Christmases we had in Spain, when I was a
girl.
REEF
You mean, before you became a cabin boy?
JUANITA
I mean when I was a little girl. I'm still a girl,
Roderick, even if I have to disguise myself as
a cabin boy.
REEF
We all think of our childhoods at Christmas,
and of what we've lost. Poor Juanita. You've
lost more than most.
JUANITA
It's all right.
REEF
What did you get in the gift exchange?
JUANITA
Nothing. No one gave me anything!
But it's all right.
Enter Joan.
JOAN
Cap'n, a Spanish galleon just sailed out from
behind the island, and she's approaching fast!
Shall I raise the Jolly Roger?
REEF
No, raise the flag of truce!
JOAN
Truce!!! Are ye mad?
REEF
I invited that ship to meet us here! It would be
poor manners to attack our guest! Besides, it's
Christmas!
JOAN
But....
REEF
Go have some more grog!
JOAN
Harr! I think you've been helping yourself to
more grog than is good for ye, Cap'n!
Joan exits.
JUANITA
I don't understand.
REEF
It's my Christmas gift to you, Juanita. I've
arranged for you to go home to Spain.
JUANITA
But how?
REEF
The last time we were in Panama, I left a message
to a Spanish Captain I can trust, Don Pietro de
la Francisco Ruiz. I asked him to meet us here on
Christmas day under a mutual truce, to take you home!
JUANITA
Home?
REEF
This is no life for you, Juanita! You were born and
bred to be a cultivated senorita, courted by handsome
young Spanish dandies, not a cabin boy to a pirate
knave!
JUANITA
Is this what you want for me?
REEF
I want what's best for you, Juanita.
JUANITA
I see. Very well.
REEF
Juanita, I want you to know that I, well, I think
you've been the finest cabin boy I've ever had.
JUANITA
I'll remember that when the handsome young
Spanish dandies come to call.
REEF
Very well then.
JUANITA
Very well.
Long pause. Reef and Juanita avoid looking at each other.
Enter Joan.
JOAN
Cap'n, the cap'n of that Spanish galleon be
aboard.
REEF
Then send him down.
Joan exits. A moment later CAPTAIN MIGUEL RUIZ enters. Reef is startled to see him.
REEF
You're not Don Pietro de la Francisco Ruiz!
Who the devil are you?
MIGUEL RUIZ
His son, Miguel de la Francisco Ruiz! And
I am not so accommodating to English pirate pigs
as my late father was.
REEF
We are flying a flag of truce!
MIGUEL RUIZ
I did not agree to your truce, English
pirate pig of a dog! Surrender your ship,
or we sink you to the sea's bottom!
Miguel draws his sword and aims it at Reef. Reef does not have his sword, because he put it down on a chair earlier in the scene (after he settled the fight between the fight between Yellowtooth Pete and Filthy Joe) . Behind Ruiz's back, Juanita picks up Reef's sword, and uses the hilt to slam Ruiz on the head, knocking him unconscious.
REEF
A fine way for him to celebrate Christmas!
Enter Joan.
JOAN
Cap'n! The Spanish galleon are threatening to
fire their canons!
REEF
Tell them they'd better sail off if they want to
see their Captain again. He's our hostage!
JOAN
Aye, aye, Cap'n!
She exits. Reef turns to Juanita.
REEF
You saved my life, and the lives of my crew!
It's your choice whether you go with the
Spaniards, or stay with us, but it would mean a
lot to me if you decided to stay.
Juanita kisses Reef.
JUANITA
This is a fine way to celebrate Christmas.
BLACKOUT!
THE END
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© 2005 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.