THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
"A Pirate Christmas With Captain Roderick Reef!"
by Richard Nathan
Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:
Avast, me hearties! Climb aboard the
good ship Roving Finn, and raise the Jolly
Roger! 'Tis time to set sail with bravest
pirate ever to cruise the Spanish Main! 'Tis
time to join The Piratical Voyages of
Captain Roderick Reef!!!
Lights come up on the Captain's Cabin on the good ship Roving Finn! Two pirates, YELLOWTOOTH PETE and FILTHY JOE are in the midst of a swordfight. JOAN HARDY, a female pirate, and JUANITA LOPEZ a beautiful young woman disguised as a cabin boy, watch the duel.
Harr! My Christmas gift to you is
tempered steel, which I will personally
deliver to your black heart!!!
That be a gift I'll return to you!
Enter CAPTAIN RODERICK REEF. He draws his own sword and separates the two members of his crew!
Cease your brawling at once! Can't I go
on deck for a minute, without you two
spoiling our Christmas?
He spoiled it, Cap'n! He broke the rules
of our gift exchange!
Harr! Ye lie through your rotten teeth, ye
Cap'n, were it not agreed that our gifts be
valued between half a pound and three
All right. I may have bent that rule slightly.
Slightly, ye say! Look at what he give me,
Cap'n! A rusty dagger!
Pete shows Reef the rusty dagger that Pete received as a Christmas gift from Joe.
Aye, the dagger be rusty! But the diamond on
the hilt sparkles clean like a star!
Diamond??? Why, so there be! I beg your
pardon, Filthy Joe. You're a generous
friend. Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, Yellowtooth Pete!
And Merry Christmas to all! There are double
rations of grog for all on the deck! Better hurry,
before it's gone!
Harrrr! Grog and Christmas!
Christmas and grog!
Pete and Joe slap each other on the back and exit. Reef puts his sword down on a chair.
You've a soft heart for a pirate captain,
Roderick Reef, but I can't deny ye
have a loyal crew! Merry Christmas,
She kisses him, and exits to get her share of the grog. Reef turns to Juanita.
Why so glum, Juan?
Everyone's gone on deck, Roderick. You
can call me Juanita.
Why so glum, Juanita? Didn't you enjoy
the gift exchange?
It was fine. It reminded me a little of the
Christmases we had in Spain, when I was a
You mean, before you became a cabin boy?
I mean when I was a little girl. I'm still a girl,
Roderick, even if I have to disguise myself as
a cabin boy.
We all think of our childhoods at Christmas,
and of what we've lost. Poor Juanita. You've
lost more than most.
It's all right.
What did you get in the gift exchange?
Nothing. No one gave me anything!
But it's all right.
Cap'n, a Spanish galleon just sailed out from
behind the island, and she's approaching fast!
Shall I raise the Jolly Roger?
No, raise the flag of truce!
Truce!!! Are ye mad?
I invited that ship to meet us here! It would be
poor manners to attack our guest! Besides, it's
Go have some more grog!
Harr! I think you've been helping yourself to
more grog than is good for ye, Cap'n!
I don't understand.
It's my Christmas gift to you, Juanita. I've
arranged for you to go home to Spain.
The last time we were in Panama, I left a message
to a Spanish Captain I can trust, Don Pietro de
la Francisco Ruiz. I asked him to meet us here on
Christmas day under a mutual truce, to take you home!
This is no life for you, Juanita! You were born and
bred to be a cultivated senorita, courted by handsome
young Spanish dandies, not a cabin boy to a pirate
Is this what you want for me?
I want what's best for you, Juanita.
I see. Very well.
Juanita, I want you to know that I, well, I think
you've been the finest cabin boy I've ever had.
I'll remember that when the handsome young
Spanish dandies come to call.
Very well then.
Long pause. Reef and Juanita avoid looking at each other.
Cap'n, the cap'n of that Spanish galleon be
Then send him down.
Joan exits. A moment later CAPTAIN MIGUEL RUIZ enters. Reef is startled to see him.
You're not Don Pietro de la Francisco Ruiz!
Who the devil are you?
His son, Miguel de la Francisco Ruiz! And
I am not so accommodating to English pirate pigs
as my late father was.
We are flying a flag of truce!
I did not agree to your truce, English
pirate pig of a dog! Surrender your ship,
or we sink you to the sea's bottom!
Miguel draws his sword and aims it at Reef. Reef does not have his sword, because he put it down on a chair earlier in the scene (after he settled the fight between the fight between Yellowtooth Pete and Filthy Joe) . Behind Ruiz's back, Juanita picks up Reef's sword, and uses the hilt to slam Ruiz on the head, knocking him unconscious.
A fine way for him to celebrate Christmas!
Cap'n! The Spanish galleon are threatening to
fire their canons!
Tell them they'd better sail off if they want to
see their Captain again. He's our hostage!
Aye, aye, Cap'n!
She exits. Reef turns to Juanita.
You saved my life, and the lives of my crew!
It's your choice whether you go with the
Spaniards, or stay with us, but it would mean a
lot to me if you decided to stay.
Juanita kisses Reef.
This is a fine way to celebrate Christmas.
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THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
© 2005 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
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