THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!

"A Pirate Christmas With Captain Roderick Reef!"

                                                               by Richard Nathan

 

Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:

                                                            VOICE
                                    Avast, me hearties!  Climb aboard the
                                    good ship Roving Finn, and raise the Jolly
                                    Roger!  'Tis time to set sail with bravest
                                    pirate ever to cruise the Spanish Main!  'Tis 
                                    time to join The Piratical Voyages of
                                    Captain Roderick Reef!!!

Lights come up on the Captain's Cabin on the good ship Roving Finn!  Two pirates, YELLOWTOOTH PETE and FILTHY JOE are in the midst of a swordfight.  JOAN HARDY, a female pirate, and JUANITA LOPEZ a beautiful young woman disguised as a cabin boy, watch the duel.

                                                            PETE
                                    Harr!  My Christmas gift to you is 
                                    tempered steel, which I will personally
                                    deliver to your black heart!!!

                                                            JOE
                                    That be a gift I'll return to you! 

Enter CAPTAIN RODERICK REEF.  He draws his own sword and separates the two members of his crew!

                                                            REEF
                                    Cease your brawling at once!   Can't I go
                                    on deck for a minute, without you two
                                    spoiling our Christmas?

                                                            PETE
                                    He spoiled it, Cap'n!  He broke the rules
                                    of our gift exchange!

                                                            JOE
                                    Harr!  Ye lie through your rotten teeth, ye
                                    scurvy dog!

                                                            PETE
                                    Cap'n, were it not agreed that our gifts be
                                    valued between half a pound and three
                                    pounds?

                                                            JOE
                                    All right.  I may have bent that rule slightly.

                                                            PETE
                                    Slightly, ye say!  Look at what he give me,
                                    Cap'n!  A rusty dagger!

Pete shows Reef the rusty dagger that Pete received as a Christmas gift from Joe.

                                                            JOE
                                    Aye, the dagger be rusty!  But the diamond on
                                    the hilt sparkles clean like a star!

                                                            PETE
                                    Diamond???  Why, so there be!  I beg your
                                    pardon, Filthy Joe.  You're a generous
                                    friend.  Merry Christmas!

                                                            JOE
                                    Merry Christmas, Yellowtooth Pete!   

                                                            REEF
                                    And Merry Christmas to all!  There are double
                                    rations of grog for all on the deck!  Better hurry,
                                    before it's gone!

                                                            PETE
                                    Harrrr!  Grog and Christmas!

                                                            JOE
                                    Christmas and grog!

Pete and Joe slap each other on the back and exit.  Reef puts his sword down on a chair. 

                                                            JOAN
                                    You've a soft heart for a pirate captain,
                                    Roderick Reef, but I can't deny ye
                                    have a loyal crew!  Merry Christmas,
                                    Reef.

She kisses him, and exits to get her share of the grog.  Reef turns to Juanita.

                                                            REEF
                                    Why so glum, Juan?

                                                            JUANITA
                                    Everyone's gone on deck, Roderick.  You
                                    can call me Juanita.

                                                            REEF
                                    Why so glum, Juanita?  Didn't you enjoy 
                                    the gift exchange?

                                                            JUANITA
                                    It was fine.  It reminded me a little of the
                                    Christmases we had in Spain, when I was a
                                    girl.

                                                            REEF
                                    You mean, before you became a cabin boy?

                                                            JUANITA
                                    I mean when I was a little girl.  I'm still a girl,
                                    Roderick, even if I have to disguise myself as
                                    a cabin boy.

                                                            REEF
                                    We all think of our childhoods at Christmas,
                                    and of what we've lost.  Poor Juanita.  You've
                                    lost more than most.

                                                            JUANITA
                                    It's all right.

                                                            REEF
                                    What did you get in the gift exchange?

                                                            JUANITA
                                    Nothing.  No one gave me anything!   
                                    But it's all right.

Enter Joan.

                                                            JOAN
                                    Cap'n, a Spanish galleon just sailed out from
                                    behind the island, and she's approaching fast! 
                                    Shall I raise the Jolly Roger?

                                                            REEF
                                    No, raise the flag of truce!

                                                            JOAN
                                    Truce!!!  Are ye mad?

                                                            REEF
                                    I invited that ship to meet us here!  It would be
                                    poor manners to attack our guest!  Besides, it's
                                    Christmas!

                                                            JOAN
                                    But....

                                                            REEF
                                    Go have some more grog! 

                                                            JOAN
                                    Harr!  I think you've been helping yourself to
                                    more grog than is good for ye, Cap'n!

Joan exits.

                                                            JUANITA
                                    I don't understand.

                                                            REEF
                                    It's my Christmas gift to you, Juanita.  I've
                                    arranged for you to go home to Spain.

                                                            JUANITA
                                    But how?

                                                            REEF
                                    The last time we were in Panama, I left a message
                                    to a Spanish Captain I can trust, Don Pietro de
                                    la Francisco Ruiz.  I asked him to meet us here on
                                    Christmas day under a mutual truce, to take you home!

                                                            JUANITA
                                    Home?

                                                            REEF
                                    This is no life for you, Juanita!  You were born and
                                    bred to be a cultivated senorita, courted by handsome
                                    young Spanish dandies, not a cabin boy to a pirate
                                    knave!

                                                            JUANITA
                                    Is this what you want for me?

                                                            REEF
                                    I want what's best for you, Juanita.

                                                            JUANITA
                                    I see.  Very well.

                                                            REEF
                                    Juanita, I want you to know that I, well, I think
                                    you've been the finest cabin boy I've ever had. 

                                                            JUANITA
                                    I'll remember that when the handsome young
                                    Spanish dandies come to call.

                                                            REEF
                                    Very well then.

                                                            JUANITA
                                    Very well.

Long pause.  Reef and Juanita avoid looking at each other. 

Enter Joan.

                                                            JOAN
                                    Cap'n, the cap'n of that Spanish galleon be
                                    aboard.

                                                            REEF
                                    Then send him down.

Joan exits.  A moment later CAPTAIN MIGUEL RUIZ enters.  Reef is startled to see him.

                                                            REEF
                                    You're not Don Pietro de la Francisco Ruiz! 
                                    Who the devil are you?

                                                            MIGUEL RUIZ
                                    His son, Miguel de la Francisco Ruiz!  And
                                    I am not so accommodating to English pirate pigs
                                    as my late father was. 

                                                            REEF
                                    We are flying a flag of truce!

                                                            MIGUEL RUIZ
                                    I did not agree to your truce, English
                                    pirate pig of a dog!  Surrender your ship,
                                    or we sink you to the sea's bottom!

Miguel draws his sword and aims it at Reef.  Reef does not have his sword, because he put it down on a chair earlier in the scene (after he settled the fight between  the fight between Yellowtooth Pete and Filthy Joe) .  Behind Ruiz's back, Juanita picks up Reef's sword, and uses the hilt to slam Ruiz on the head, knocking him unconscious.

                                                            REEF
                                    A fine way for him to celebrate Christmas!

Enter Joan.

                                                            JOAN
                                    Cap'n!  The Spanish galleon are threatening to
                                    fire their canons!

                                                            REEF
                                    Tell them they'd better sail off if they want to
                                    see their Captain again.  He's our hostage!

                                                            JOAN
                                    Aye, aye, Cap'n!

She exits.  Reef turns to Juanita.

                                                            REEF
                                    You saved my life, and the lives of my crew! 
                                    It's your choice whether you go with the
                                    Spaniards, or stay with us, but it would mean a
                                    lot to me if you decided to stay.

Juanita kisses Reef.

                                                            JUANITA
                                    This is a fine way to celebrate Christmas.

BLACKOUT!

THE END

 

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2005 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.