FICTION BLAST-OFF THEATER
"The New Adventures Of Stan Starburst: Chapter 1 - Planet of Death!"
by Richard Nathan
Before the lights come up, a voice announces the title of the story:
"The New Adventures of Stan Starburst -
Chapter One - Planet of Death!"
Lights come up on surface of the planet Fettatonia. Somewhere on the stage there must be a piece of scenery on the ground, - such as a rock or a plant, that can be used to mask one character's head when he lies down on the stage at the end of this piece.
Enter our hero STAN STARBURST and his loyal sidekick TOG THE TANGORIAN. Stan is a native of Earth. Tog is from the planet Tangor. They enter with ray-guns drawn, keeping a watchful eye for enemies.
See any signs of dangerous indigenous
Right over there. There's a big sign saying,
"Beware of dangerous indigenous life forms!"
Tog points offstage to the sign. Stan looks at the sign and relaxes.
Good. As we say on earth, "Forewarned is
As we say on my home planet Tangor, "Four-
armed is cozy, eight-armed is a violation of my
Do you think it's safe for the girls to come out of
I don't think it's safe to leave them alone in there.
Stan, haven't you noticed, - they don't like each
That's crazy, Tog. Betty's the greatest girl I've
ever known. She likes everyone, and everyone
Stan takes a communications device out of his pocket and uses it to contact the ladies.
Betty? We think it is safe for you and Han-Dar
to come out. But be careful. We've seen signs
of dangerous indigenous life-forms!
One sign. But it's a big sign.
Stan turns off the communications device.
The thing I don't understand is - why would
Doctor Zadwick come to such a dangerous
He was probably hoping to find a cure for
something, maybe Septamyocytrosis.
You never know when you'll find some
exotic plant life that will cure some
horrible disease. One of our great
Tangorian doctors once found a little
purple weed that could cure death.
Unfortunately the side effect was that you
developed an uncontrollable urge to
clog dance. The weed was eradicated.
I thought only Earth knew about clog dancing.
Every planet in the universe knows about
clog dancing. Earth is the only planet where
it isn't a capital offense.
Enter BETTY COLLINS (Stan's girlfriend) and HAN-DAR, a beautifully exotic alien woman. Han-Dar rushes to Stan and takes his hands in hers. She flirts with Stan outrageously. Betty glares at them.
Stan! Do you think we'll find my father here?
His papers said he was going to the planet
Fettatonia - and that's where we are. Why
wouldn't we find him?
Maybe he's hiding.
Why would my father be hiding?
Maybe he doesn't like his relatives.
Oh, Betty! If his other relatives are as nice as
Han-Dar, I'm sure he likes them all. Tog
thinks maybe Dr. Zadwick came here
searching for a cure for a disease.
Everyone agrees he is the only one who
could find a cure for the Septamyocytrosis
that's wiping out my home world! Stan, it was
so brave of you to volunteer for this mission!
We're glad to do it, aren't we Betty?
(burning with jealousy)
Sure. We couldn't be gladder.
Betty, is something wrong?
No... Yes!!! Why do we have to keep
volunteering for these missions? Why can't
we ever go back to Earth and help someone
there? Why do you have to keep losing
your head over every death-trap in the
Betty, you know I could never lose my
head over anything but you!
Enter a horrible MAN-BEAST! (Actually, the Man-Beast is not really so horrible. The Man-Beast is a normal man, dressed in rags, with some plastic fangs in his mouth and some markings on his face that can easily be removed with a damp cloth, so that in the next chapter he can do an on-stage transformation to a normal human - but at the moment, he is a savage Man-Beast!!!) It roars, and attacks Stan and Tog, knocking them down before they can use their ray-guns. Stan falls so that his head is hidden by a piece of scenery. (Alternatively, Stan could fall down with the upper part of his body off-stage, in the wings.) The Man-Beast reaches down and pulls off a very unrealistic prop version of Stan's head. The Man-Beast triumphantly holds the head aloft for all to see. Betty screams! The Man-Beast drops the head and chases Betty off-stage. Han-Dar runs off in terror in the other direction.
Don't miss our next exciting chapter in The New
Adventures of Stan Starburst - Chapter Two -
Rage of the Man-Beast!"
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© 2005 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
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