FICTION BLAST-OFF THEATER
"The New Adventures Of Stan Starburst: Chapter 3 - Septamyocytrosis Strikes!"
by Richard Nathan
Before the lights come up, a voice announces the title of the story:
"The New Adventures of Stan Starburst -
Chapter Three - Septamyocytrosis Strikes!"!"
Lights come up on surface of the planet Fettatonia, where Chapter Two ended. HAN-DAR, the assassin from Malaciente, has just used her ray-gun to shoot STAN STARBURST, BETTY COLLINS, TOG THE TANGORIAN, and DR. ZADWICK. On the ground lies the Head-Plant from the previous chapters. Han-Dar's personal communications device makes a signal. She answers it.
This is Han-Dar. Report!
The voice of an AGENT from the planet Malaciente comes over the communications device, loudly enough so we can hear it.
Do not kill Dr. Zadwick! I repeat, do not kill Dr.
But that's what you hired me to do!
Have you killed him?
No. He's just unconscious. I'm going to
make it look like a wild beast killed them.
Why don't you want me to kill him?
Our own planet Malaciente has become
overrun with the Septamyocytrosis virus!
We need the cure!
Are you sure it's Septamyocytrosis?
The symptoms are unmistakable! First
the victims feel warm, then hot. Then
unbearably hot! (Han-Dar starts feeling
warm. Then uncomfortably hot.) Soon
they start to sweat. (Han-Dar wipes her brow.)
Then, abruptly, the victim gets the chills.
(Han-Dar shivers.) This is often
followed by a coughing spell, (Han-Dar
coughs.) and sneezing. (Hand-Dar
sneezes.) Han-Dar! Did I hear you
coughing and sneezing?
Mind your own business!
You must revive Dr. Zadwick! It's your
Han-Dar turns off her communications device. She adjusts the setting on her ray-gun, and tries to shoot it at Zadwick, but she is so weak from the illness that she shoots at Zadwick, Stan, Betty and Tog. They all re-gain consciousness.
I'm not dead?
You're the doctor. You tell me. Are you?
No. Which means you must need me for
something. Which probably means you've
come down with Septamyocytrosis!
I need the cure.
Wow, what an interesting ethical dilemma!
Should we just let her die, or should we kick
her in the head first, and then let her die?
Betty! You know you don't mean that! We
need to set an example for people like Han-Dar!
How do we know she won't kill us all as soon as
she is cured?
I will give you my word of honor.
Han-Dar keeps a straight face for a moment, then starts to giggle. Then Dr. Zadwick starts to giggle. Then everyone laughs hysterically. Then everyone regains their composure.
You will do it because you believe what Stan
Starburst said. You believe that you can
reach people by setting a good example.
Or by kicking them in the head.
Betty looks like she could spit nails, but she realizes she'll never win this argument.
All right! Let's cure her!
We'll need a Head-Plant and a Blazo Fruit!
Here's the Head-Plant! Come on, Tog,
let's go find a Blazo Fruit!
Stan and Tog run off-stage. Han-Dar is dying. She struggles to speak.
You are like me, Betty Collins. Merciless!
Han-Dar coughs and collapses. Betty looks disgusted.
Oh, all right. Have some Head-Plant!
Betty feeds some of the Head-Plant to Han-Dar.
No! Not 'til we have the Blazo Fruit!
But the warning comes too late. The Head-Plant turns Han-Dar into a raging Beast-Woman. Han-Dar lunges to her feet. She tosses Dr. Zadwick aside and begins strangling Betty.
Stan runs back on-stage. He struggles with Han-Dar. Han-Dar uses one hand to strangle Betty and the other to strangle Stan. Then Tog runs in with a Blazo Fruit which he smashes into Han-Dar's face. Han-Dar sinks to her knees.
Han-Dar, are you all right?
Han-Dar wipes away the muck of the Blazo fruit. She is transformed in mind and body.
I've never felt better. It's as though a veil has
been lifted, and I see now for the first time that
genocide is wrong! Come on, Dr. Zadwick,
let's go save the people of Thalencia and the
people of Malaciente!
Han-Dar helps Dr. Zadwick up and leads him off-stage.
Another mission successfully concluded! Come
on, Betty and Tog! There's a whole universe of
adventures out there, waiting just for us!
Once again, Betty looks like she could spit nails.
here to go to more
SCIENCE FICTION BLAST-OFF THEATER
science fiction scripts
© 2005 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
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