SCIENCE FICTION BLAST-OFF THEATER

"The New Adventures Of Stan Starburst:  Chapter 3 - Septamyocytrosis Strikes!"

                                                               by Richard Nathan

 

Before the lights come up, a voice announces the title of the story:

                                                            VOICE
                                    "The New Adventures of Stan Starburst -
                                    Chapter Three - Septamyocytrosis Strikes!"!"

Lights come up on surface of the planet Fettatonia, where Chapter Two ended.    HAN-DAR, the assassin from Malaciente, has just used her ray-gun to shoot STAN STARBURST, BETTY COLLINS, TOG THE TANGORIAN, and DR. ZADWICK.    On the ground lies the Head-Plant from the previous chapters.  Han-Dar's personal communications device makes a signal.  She answers it.

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    This is Han-Dar.  Report!

The voice of an AGENT from the planet Malaciente comes over the communications device, loudly enough so we can hear it.

                                                            AGENT'S VOICE
                                    Do not kill Dr. Zadwick!  I repeat, do not kill Dr.
                                    Zadwick!

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    But that's what you hired me to do!

                                                            AGENT'S VOICE
                                    Have you killed him?

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    No.  He's just unconscious.  I'm going to 
                                    make it look like a wild beast killed them. 
                                    Why don't you want me to kill him?

                                                            AGENT'S VOICE
                                    Our own planet Malaciente has become
                                    overrun with the Septamyocytrosis virus! 
                                    We need the cure! 

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    Are you sure it's Septamyocytrosis?

                                                            AGENT'S VOICE
                                    The symptoms are unmistakable!  First
                                    the victims feel warm, then hot. Then
                                    unbearably hot!  (Han-Dar starts feeling
                                    warm.  Then uncomfortably hot.
)  Soon
                                    they start to sweat.  (Han-Dar wipes her brow.
                                    Then, abruptly, the victim gets the chills. 
                                    (Han-Dar shivers.)  This is often
                                    followed by a coughing spell, (Han-Dar
                                    coughs.
)  and sneezing.  (Hand-Dar
                                    sneezes.
)  Han-Dar!  Did I hear you
                                    coughing and sneezing? 

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    Mind your own business! 

                                                            AGENT'S VOICE
                                    You must revive Dr. Zadwick!  It's your
                                    only hope!!!

Han-Dar turns off her communications device.  She adjusts the setting on her ray-gun, and tries to shoot it at  Zadwick, but she is so weak from the illness that she shoots at Zadwick, Stan, Betty and Tog.  They all re-gain consciousness.

                                                            DR. ZADWICK
                                    I'm not dead?

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    You're the doctor.  You tell me.  Are you?

                                                            DR. ZADWICK
                                    No.  Which means you must need me for
                                    something.  Which probably means you've
                                    come down with Septamyocytrosis!

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    I need the cure.

                                                            BETTY
                                    Wow, what an interesting ethical dilemma! 
                                    Should we just let her die, or should we kick
                                    her in the head first, and then let her die?

                                                            STAN
                                    Betty!  You know you don't mean that!  We
                                    need to set an example for people like Han-Dar!

                                                            DR. ZADWICK
                                    How do we know she won't kill us all as soon as
                                    she is cured?

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    I will give you my word of honor.

Han-Dar keeps a straight face for a moment, then starts to giggle.  Then Dr. Zadwick starts to giggle.  Then everyone laughs hysterically.  Then everyone regains their composure.

                                                            DR. ZADWICK
                                    No, seriously....

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    You will do it because you believe what Stan
                                    Starburst said.  You believe that you can
                                    reach people by setting a good example. 

                                                            BETTY
                                    Or by kicking them in the head.

                                                            STAN
                                    Betty!

Betty looks like she could spit nails, but she realizes she'll never win this argument.

                                                            BETTY
                                    All right!  Let's cure her!
                                   

                                                            All right.

                                                            DR. ZADWICK
                                    We'll need a Head-Plant and a Blazo Fruit!

                                                            STAN
                                    Here's the Head-Plant!  Come on, Tog,
                                    let's go find a Blazo Fruit!

Stan and Tog run off-stage.  Han-Dar is dying.  She struggles to speak.

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    You are like me, Betty Collins.  Merciless! 
                                    Strong!

Han-Dar coughs and collapses.  Betty looks disgusted. 

                                                            BETTY
                                    Oh, all right.  Have some Head-Plant!

Betty feeds some of the Head-Plant to Han-Dar.

                                                            DR. ZADWICK
                                    No!  Not 'til we have the Blazo Fruit!

But the warning comes too late.  The Head-Plant turns Han-Dar into a raging Beast-Woman.  Han-Dar lunges to her feet.  She tosses Dr. Zadwick aside and begins strangling Betty.

                                                            BETTY
                                    Stan!!!

Stan runs back on-stage.  He struggles with Han-Dar.  Han-Dar uses one hand to strangle Betty and the other to strangle Stan.  Then Tog runs in with a Blazo Fruit which he smashes into Han-Dar's face.  Han-Dar sinks to her knees.

                                                            STAN
                                    Han-Dar, are you all right?

Han-Dar wipes away the muck of the Blazo fruit.  She is transformed in mind and body.

                                                            HAN-DAR
                                    I've never felt better.  It's as though a veil has
                                    been lifted, and I see now for the first time that
                                    genocide is wrong!  Come on, Dr. Zadwick,
                                    let's go save the people of Thalencia and the
                                    people of Malaciente!

Han-Dar helps Dr. Zadwick up and leads him off-stage.

                                                            STAN
                                    Another mission successfully concluded!  Come
                                    on, Betty and Tog!  There's a whole universe of
                                    adventures out there, waiting just for us!

Once again, Betty looks like she could spit nails.

 

Blackout!

                                      
THE END

 

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2005 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.