PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED
"Trick
Or Treat"
by Richard Nathan
The spotlight is up on our host, GUS THE GHOUL, while
the set for the next story is prepared. This
story takes place in the front parlor of Miss Hamilton's house.
It is Halloween night. An
empty candy dish is by the door.
GUS
Our next story takes place in the house
of Miss
Hamilton on Halloween night.
Last
Halloween I went trick-or-treating...
down at the mortuary, but they wouldn't
give me a single bite to eat. So I
soaped
all their windows. They
didn't like that.
Morticians have
no sense of humor.
Everything about
morticians is so formal.
Formal
dress, formal manners, fomal-dehyde.
Now
I'm going to hide, while you stay here
and watch "Trick or
Treat."
Gus exits. The spotlight goes out, and during the blackout MISS HAMILTON enters and goes to the front door of her house. She is dressed in a traditional witch's costume, to celebrate Halloween. As the lights come up, she is calling out the open door, speaking to someone who has just left her house.
MISS HAMILTON
Good night, dear.
Happy Halloween!
VOICE
(off-stage)
Thank
you, Miss Hamilton.
Miss
Hamilton closes the door and looks at the empty candy dish.
MISS
HAMILTON
Dear,
dear. I must remember to buy more
candy next year. I've never run out
so early
before. I hope I don't get
any more children
tonight.
There's
a loud, insistent knocking at the front door, and we hear the voice of a LITTLE
GIRL.
LITTLE
GIRL
(off-stage)
Trick
or treat!
MISS
HAMILTON
Maybe
if I don't answer the door, she'll think
no one's home.
LITTLE
GIRL
(off-stage)
Hey!
I said, "Trick or treat!"
Come on, I
know you're in there! I
can see the lights
on!
Miss
Hamilton sights and opens the door. The
Little Girl, wearing a witch's costume and holding a big bag of candy, stands in
the doorway.
LITTLE
GIRL
Trick
or treat!
MISS
HAMILTON
I'm
very sorry, little girl, but I don't have
any more candy.
I've given it all away.
LITTLE
GIRL
You're
in big trouble, lady. You're
supposed
to have enough candy for everybody!
MISS
HAMILTON
Why
don't you come back tomorrow night.
I
promise I'll have more candy then.
LITTLE
GIRL
I
want candy now!
MISS
HAMILTON
How
would you like a nice shiny quarter?
LITTLE
GIRL
How'd
you like toilet paper all over your yard?
MISS
HAMILTON
That
isn't very nice.
The
Little Girl marches into the house and slams the door behind her.
LITTLE
GIRL
I'm
not leaving here until I get some candy!
Miss
Hamilton decides to scare the child.
MISS
HAMILTON
Listen,
little girl. I'm a wicked witch,
and if
you don't behave yourself, you're going to be
very sorry!
LITTLE
GIRL
Don't
give me that!
MISS
HAMILTON
All
right! I'll make you a deal!
If you'll forget
about the candy, I'll teach you a genuine witch's
spell!
LITTLE
GIRL
What
kind of spell?
MISS
HAMILTON
I'll
tell you how to summon the demon, Slogg
Soggoth!
LITTLE
GIRL
I'll
believe that when I see it!
MISS
HAMILTON
All
right. First you have to move your
hands
like this.
Miss
Hamilton makes a few silly-looking gestures with her hands.
MISS
HAMILTON
Then
you say, "Ooga-booga! Razza-rooga!
Slogg Soggoth appear!
Nothing
happens.
LITTLE
GIRL
"Ooga-booga!"
That's the dumbest thing
any grown-up has ever tried to hand
me!
Now give me my candy!
MISS
HAMILTON
But
I don't have any candy!
LITTLE
GIRL
All
right. You asked for it!
I knew you
weren't a real witch! I
could tell because
I am a witch! And
I'm going to summon
the dead to come here and rip you up into
little tiny
pieces!
The
Little Girl seems to go into a trance.
LITTLE
GIRL
Ahh-ka.
Tow-na! Flass-eee.
Nam!
Ablattee!
Grob! Now the dead are
rising
from their graves. Their
hands, rotting with
death and mold and pus claw through the
earth. Now they are shambling out of the
cemetery.
Their worm-eaten flesh is falling
from their bones.
They're coming down
your block. Can
you smell the rotting
corpses! They're
nearly at your house.
They're
coming up to your door. They're
stepping onto your doorstep!
There's
a measured knock at the door. Miss
Hamilton does a very poor job of pretending to be scared.
MISS
HAMILTON
My
goodness! You really are a witch,
aren't
you? Your spell really
worked! Are you going
to open the
door, and let in all those dead bodies?
Suddenly,
the little girl is terrified. She
stares in horror at the door. Then
a voice comes from outside. It's
the same voice we heard at the beginning of the story.
VOICE
(off-stage)
Trick
or treat!
MISS
HAMILTON
Why,
that doesn't sound like dead bodies to
me!
The Little Girl is relieved, and a little ashamed. Miss
Hamilton goes to open the door. The
Little Girl decides to confess.
LITTLE
GIRL
I'm
sorry. I just wanted to scare you.
I'm not
really a witch.
MISS
HAMILTON
Really?
I am!
She
opens the door, and SLOGG SOGGOTH, an evil monster, reaches in, grabs the little
girl, and pulls her out! The Little
Girl screams as she is taken outside, and then we hear the horrible crunching
sound of Slogg Soggoth eating her. Miss
Hamilton sticks her head outside the door and speaks to the monster.
MISS
HAMILTON
Thank
you, Slogg Soggoth. I really do
think
that will be the last one for tonight.
VOICE
(off-stage)
Okay.
It's the same voice we heard at the beginning of the piece. This isn't the first child Slogg Soggoth has eaten tonight.
MISS
HAMILTON
Good
night, dear. Happy Halloween!
VOICE
(off-stage)
Thank
you, Miss Hamilton.
MISS
HAMILTON
Now
you go back to hell and get some sleep.
It's
getting very late.
VOICE
(off-stage)
Good
night!
Miss
Hamilton closes the door. Blackout!
In the darkness, Miss Hamilton exits.
GUS THE GHOUL comes back on, and a spotlight picks him up.
GUS
I
guess the moral of that story is that on
Halloween, you should always have
plenty
of candy ready in case any little girls come
trick-or-treating.
And you should always have
plenty of little girls ready in case Slogg
Soggoth
comes trick-or-treating!
THE
END
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© 2000 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet users the right to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.