PLAYHOUSE OF THE DAMNED  

"Trick Or Treat"  

                                by Richard Nathan

The spotlight is up on our host, GUS THE GHOUL, while the set for the next story is prepared.  This story takes place in the front parlor of Miss Hamilton's house.  It is Halloween night.  An empty candy dish is by the door.  

                                                            GUS
                                    Our next story takes place in the house 
                                    of Miss Hamilton on Halloween night.  
                                    L
ast Halloween I went trick-or-treating... 
                                    down at the mortuary, but they wouldn't 
                                    give me a single bite to eat.  So I soaped 
                                    all their windows.  They didn't like that.  
                                   
Morticians have no sense of humor.  
                                   
Everything about morticians is so formal.  
                                   
Formal dress, formal manners, fomal-dehyde.  
                                   
Now I'm going to hide, while you stay here 
                                    and watch "Trick or Treat."

Gus exits.  The spotlight goes out, and during the blackout MISS HAMILTON enters and goes to the front door of her house.  She is dressed in a traditional witch's costume, to celebrate Halloween.  As the lights come up, she is calling out the open door, speaking to someone who has just left her house.

                                                            MISS HAMILTON  
                                    Good night, dear.  Happy Halloween!

                                                            VOICE
                                               
(off-stage)
                                    Thank you, Miss Hamilton.

Miss Hamilton closes the door and looks at the empty candy dish.

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    Dear, dear.  I must remember to buy more 
                                    candy next year.  I've never run out so early 
                                    before.  I hope I don't get any more children 
                                    tonight.

 

There's a loud, insistent knocking at the front door, and we hear the voice of a LITTLE GIRL.  

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                                (off-stage)
                                    Trick or treat!

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    Maybe if I don't answer the door, she'll think 
                                    no one's home.  

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                                (off-stage)
                                    Hey!  I said, "Trick or treat!"  Come on, I 
                                    know you're in there!  I can see the lights 
                                    on!  

 

Miss Hamilton sights and opens the door.  The Little Girl, wearing a witch's costume and holding a big bag of candy, stands in the doorway.

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    Trick or treat!

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    I'm very sorry, little girl, but I don't have 
                                    any more candy.  I've given it all away.

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    You're in big trouble, lady.  You're supposed 
                                     to have enough candy for everybody!  

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    Why don't you come back tomorrow night.  
                                   
I promise I'll have more candy then.  

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    I want candy now!  

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    How would you like a nice shiny quarter?

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    How'd you like toilet paper all over your yard?  

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON  
                                    That isn't very nice.

 

The Little Girl marches into the house and slams the door behind her.

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    I'm not leaving here until I get some candy!  

 

Miss Hamilton decides to scare the child.

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    Listen, little girl.  I'm a wicked witch, and if 
                                    you don't behave yourself, you're going to be 
                                    very sorry!

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    Don't give me that!  

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    All right!  I'll make you a deal!  If you'll forget 
                                    about the candy, I'll teach you a genuine witch's 
                                    spell!  

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    What kind of spell?

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON  
                                    I'll tell you how to summon the demon, Slogg 
                                    Soggoth!

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    I'll believe that when I see it!

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON  
                                    All right.  First you have to move your hands 
                                    like this.

 

Miss Hamilton makes a few silly-looking gestures with her hands.

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    Then you say, "Ooga-booga!  Razza-rooga!  
                                   
Slogg Soggoth appear!

 

Nothing happens.

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    "Ooga-booga!"  That's the dumbest thing 
                                    any grown-up has ever tried to hand 
                                    me!  Now give me my candy!  

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    But I don't have any candy!

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    All right.  You asked for it!  I knew you 
                                    weren't a real witch!  I could tell because 
                                    I am a witch!  And I'm going to summon 
                                    the dead to come here and rip you up into 
                                    little tiny pieces!

 

The Little Girl seems to go into a trance.

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    Ahh-ka.  Tow-na!  Flass-eee.  Nam!  
                                   
Ablattee!  Grob!  Now the dead are rising 
                                    from their graves.  Their hands, rotting with 
                                    death and mold and pus claw through the 
                                    earth.  Now they are shambling out of the 
                                    cemetery.  Their worm-eaten flesh is falling 
                                    from their bones.  They're coming down 
                                    your block.  Can you smell the rotting 
                                    corpses!  They're nearly at your house.  
                                   
They're coming up to your door.  They're 
                                    stepping onto your doorstep!

 

There's a measured knock at the door.  Miss Hamilton does a very poor job of pretending to be scared.

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON  
                                    My goodness!  You really are a witch, aren't 
                                    you?  Your spell really worked!  Are you going 
                                    to open the door, and let in all those dead bodies?

 

Suddenly, the little girl is terrified.  She stares in horror at the door.  Then a voice comes from outside.  It's the same voice we heard at the beginning of the story.  

 

                                                            VOICE
                                                (off-stage)
                                    Trick or treat!

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    Why, that doesn't sound like dead bodies to 
                                    me!

 

The Little Girl is relieved, and a little ashamed.  Miss Hamilton goes to open the door.  The Little Girl decides to confess.

 

                                                            LITTLE GIRL
                                    I'm sorry.  I just wanted to scare you.  I'm not 
                                    really a witch.  

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    Really?  I am!

 

She opens the door, and SLOGG SOGGOTH, an evil monster, reaches in, grabs the little girl, and pulls her out!  The Little Girl screams as she is taken outside, and then we hear the horrible crunching sound of Slogg Soggoth eating her.  Miss Hamilton sticks her head outside the door and speaks to the monster.  

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON  
                                    Thank you, Slogg Soggoth.  I really do think 
                                    that will be the last one for tonight.

 

                                                            VOICE
                                                (off-stage)
                                    Okay.

 

It's the same voice we heard at the beginning of the piece.  This isn't the first child Slogg Soggoth has eaten tonight.

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON
                                    Good night, dear.  Happy Halloween!

 

                                                            VOICE
                                                (off-stage)
                                    Thank you, Miss Hamilton.

 

                                                            MISS HAMILTON  
                                    Now you go back to hell and get some sleep.  
                                   
It's getting very late.

 

                                                            VOICE
                                                (off-stage)
                                    Good night!

 

Miss Hamilton closes the door.  Blackout!  In the darkness, Miss Hamilton exits.  GUS THE GHOUL comes back on, and a spotlight picks him up.

 

                                                            GUS
                                    I guess the moral of that story is that on 
                                    Halloween, you should always have plenty 
                                    of candy ready in case any little girls come 
                                    trick-or-treating.  And you should always have 
                                    plenty of little girls ready in case Slogg Soggoth 
                                    comes trick-or-treating!  

 

THE END

 

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2000 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet users the right to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.