THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!

"The Return of the Mighty Red Warlock of Charity Cove!"

                                                               by Richard Nathan

 

Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:

                                                            VOICE
                                    In the old Massachusetts Bay Colony in
                                    1692 many innocent women were condemned
                                    to hang as witches.  Their only hope was -
                                    THE MIGHTY RED WARLOCK OF 
                                    CHARITY COVE!!!

Lights come up on the office of Reverend Hanesworthy in Charity Cove Massachusetts in 1692.  There are two chairs on the set.  In one chair, a tearful woman GOODY GOODRICH, who is tied up.  She is being harangued by REVEREND HANESWORTHY, who holds a large Bible. 

                                                            HANESWORTHY
                                    I suppose you think the Red Warlock will
                                    save you.  I guarantee you will not be saved! 
                                    There are twenty soldiers guarding this prison! 
                                    No one can get in here to rescue you!

                                                            GOODY GOODRICH
                                    But I swear to you, I'm not a witch!  Why
                                    won't you believe me?

                                                            HANESWORTHY
                                    Why would I believe in the word of a witch?  Here
                                    in Massachusetts, we have courts to tell us if a
                                    woman is a witch!  How else would we find out? 
                                    Do you think expect a witch to come in here and
                                    volunteer that she's a witch?

A SOLDIER brings in an old CRONE (who is really John Pinton, alias the Mighty Red Warlock of Charity Cove, in disguise).  The Crone clutches a large cloth sack filled with ping pong balls.  Hanesworthy puts his Bible down on a chair.

                                                            HANESWORTHY
                                    Who is this woman?

                                                            CRONE
                                    I'm a witch!

                                                            HANESWORTHY
                                    And you dare to confront me?  I hang witches!

                                                            CRONE
                                    You won't hang me!  I'm a real witch, with real demonic
                                    powers, not like these innocent girls you try to kill.  I
                                    doubt you've ever met a real witch before.  If you had,
                                    you would be cowering in terror!

                                                            HANESWORTHY
                                    I am a man of God!  You have no power before my
                                    righteousness!

                                                            CRONE
                                    So you say!  Allow me to demonstrate the Magic of
                                    the Devil's Balls!!!

The Crone shows everyone her cloth bag.  Then she pretends to be coughing something up.  As she pretends to be choking, she takes two balls out of the bag, and holds them cupped in her hand where they cannot be seen.  She brings her hand over her mouth and secretly puts one ball in her mouth.  She then takes her hand away, showing that there is now a ball in her mouth to her mouth, as though she had coughed it up.  She then brings up her hand up to her mouth, and pretends to take the ball out of her mouth.  Instead, she leaves the ball in and shows the other ball in her hand to Hanesworthy.  Then she pretends to put the ball in her hand back into the bag, but she really keeps it in her hand.  She then pretends to cough up another ball.  She shows the ball in her mouth, pretends to take it out of her mouth (but really leaves it in her mouth), shows the ball in her hand (as though she had taken it out of her mouth) and then pretends to put the ball in the bag (but really leaves it in her hand).  She does this trick several times.  The ball in her mouth never leaves her mouth and the ball in her hand never leaves her hand.  This is a very lame magic trick that most people have seen done many times, and it would only fool a child or a moron.  It fools the Soldier.

                                                        SOLDIER
                                    It's true!  She has the power of Satan!  Run!  Run
                                    for your lives!

The Soldier runs off stage shouting "Run!  Run for your lives!"  From off stage, we hear the SOUND OF SOLDIERS RUNNING AWAY.

                                                        HANESWORTHY
                                    Let me see that bag!

Hanesworthy grabs the bag and looks into it.  The Crone picks up the Bible and hits Hanesworthy on the head with it, knocking him unconscious.  He unties Goody Goodrich.

She unties the Red Warlock.

                                                            GOODY GOODRICH
                                    Who are you?

                                                            RED WARLOCK
                                    They call me the Red Warlock of Charity Cove!

                                                            GOODY GOODRICH
                                    I can't believe they fell for that idiotic trick!

                                                            RED WARLOCK
                                    They are foolish and superstitious men.  Listen,
                                    the soldiers have all run away.  But outside of
                                    this prison, the Company of the Red Warlock
                                    are waiting.  They will take you to another colony 
                                    where you can live until Massachusetts returns
                                    to its senses.

                                                            GOODY GANNON
                                    Thank you, for all women, everywhere!

She kisses him.  Hanesworthy groans, and she runs out.  As soon as she is gone,  the Red Warlock removes his old crone disguise, revealing John Pinton, the man who disguises himself as the Red Warlock.  Pinton hides his disguise.  (He can hide it either on-stage or off, depending on whether there is a place on the set to conceal it).  Hanesworthy groans again and Pinton goes to him.

                                                            PINTON
                                    Reverend Hanesworthy!  What happened?

                                                            HANESWORTHY
                                    Pinton!  Where have you been?

                                                            PINTON
                                    Don't you remember?  You said with thirty
                                    soldiers, you didn't need me to help you guard
                                    the prisoner.  Where is she?

                                                            HANESWORTHY
                                    That old crone! It must have been the Red Warlock! 
                                    He's set her free!!!  Curse him and his Devil's Balls! 
                                    But I will never give up, not until I bring all of
                                    Massachusetts back to the ways of the
                                    strict Puritan faith!

                                                                PINTON
                                    Devil's Ball???  

BLACKOUT!

THE END

 

 

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 THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
scripts

2005 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.