THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!

"Zargotz the Strong and Floop the Clever
in the Age of Wizardry!"

                                                               by Richard Nathan

 

Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:

                                                            VOICE
                                    Come sit by the feet of the old bard, as he
                                    tells tales of a time when giants roamed the world,
                                    when dragons breathed white hot fire and
                                    wizards cast spells of arcane magic, stories of
                                    Zargotz the Strong and Floop the Clever in the
                                    Age of Wizardry! 

A light comes up come up on a BARD who will narrate the story. 

                                                            BARD
                                    I tell a tale of a mighty warrior, a giant of
                                    a man, fierce and as terrible as a lion,
                                    strong as an elephant, terrible in his
                                    wrath as the plague - a man of courage,
                                    with resolve as unyielding as his sword. 
                                    I tell a tale of Zargotz the Strong and the
                                    Lost Crown of Coremangor! 

A light comes up on the other side of the stage, where stand ZARGOTZ the Strong and his companion FLOOP the clever.  Zargotz look appropriately heroic.  Floop looks ticked off.  Floop clears his throat.  As an afterthought, the Bard remembers to mention our other hero.

                                                            BARD
                                    This tale also features Zargotz's loyal
                                    companion, Foop the Clever.

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Floop!  Not Foop!

                                                            BARD
                                    Sorry.  Floop the Clever.

The Bard exits.  A crafty MERCHANT enters and bargains with Zargotz and Floop.

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    They tell me you seek adventure and
                                    danger!

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    By the great god Farquog, they speak
                                    true.  Danger and adventure is what we
                                    crave!

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Shut up, Zargotz.  They who say we seek
                                    adventure and danger lie through their teeth. 
                                    What we seek is money!  We'll go on
                                    any adventure if the price is right.

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    I want you to find the Lost Crown of
                                    Coremangor!

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    A crown!  Where can we find it?

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    I don't know.  It's lost.  Don't you know what
                                    "lost" means?

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    Sorry.

                                                            FLOOP
                                    What can you tell us about this crown?

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    I want it for sentimental reasons.  It's a family
                                    heirloom.  It's made of gold, but very poor
                                    quality gold.  There are five silver stars on
                                    rim, but they barely deserves to be called
                                    silver.  In each star is a red ruby, the worst
                                    rubies you could imagine.  All told, I doubt
                                    you could sell the crown for a hundred
                                    thasolians.

                                                            FLOOP
                                    We'll find it for you for five hundred
                                    thasolians.

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    Done!  But only because of the sentimental
                                    value.  Here are fifty thasolians as a down
                                    payment.  I'll give you the rest when you bring
                                    me the crown.

The merchant hands Floop a small bag of coins.  Floop takes the bag and the merchant exits.

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    By the great god Farquog, I like this
                                    quest.  Shall I go to the docks and
                                    buy a ship, so that we may sail to  
                                    distant lands to find this crown?

                                                            FLOOP
                                    No, go to the stables and rent a
                                    couple of cheap horses, so we can
                                    ride back to that village we were in
                                    yesterday.  I saw that crown in a
                                    hock shop there.

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    That does not sound like a mighty
                                    adventure.

                                                            FLOOP
                                    No, it sounds like we finally got a
                                    break!  Come on!

Floop and Zargotz exit.  Enter the Bard on the other side of the stage.  A light comes up on the Bard.

                                                            BARD
                                    And so, Zargotz and Floop set forth on 
                                    their quest.  For an entire half a day they  
                                    rode until they came to the village they 
                                    sought.  Long and hard was the struggle
                                    of Floop as he bargained desperately 
                                    with the proprietor of the hock shop to 
                                    lower the price of the crown.  Sharp
                                    was the blade that Zargotz flashed
                                    before the face of the proprietor, and
                                    most reasonable was the price the
                                    proprietor agreed to charge.  Great was 
                                    the celebration of Zargotz and Floop
                                    in the tavern that night, and horrible were 
                                    their hangovers the next day as they rode
                                    back to deliver the crown to the merchant.  
                                    But when they arrived at his door, they found
                                    a curious scroll.  Written upon the scroll in
                                    letters of ebony were the words, "Out To
                                    Lunch.  Back In An Hour."

The Bard exits.  Enter Floop and Zargotz on the opposite side of the stage.  Zargotz holds the Crown of Coremangor! 

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    We have done well, Floop!  By the great
                                    god Farquog, truly this is a crown fit for
                                    a King.

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Yeah, yeah.  That merchant better get back
                                     quick.  I want our money.

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    Floop, do you think I might be a king some
                                    day?

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Sure, Zargotz, the same day I beat you at arm
                                    wrestling.

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    I would make a fearsome king!  How do I look
                                    with this crown?

Zargotz puts on the crown.  He moans like a wounded elephant and goes into a trance, as the magical crown takes possession of him!

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                                    (moaning)
                                    Ohhhhhhhhh!

It is obvious to Floop that something is terribly wrong with Zargotz!

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Holy rat puke!!!

Zargotz speaks in a voice very different from his own!

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                                    (possessed)
                                    Mortal fool!  You have given me a body
                                    from which I may cast my spells to bring
                                    your entire world under my thrall. 

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Who the phlegm are you?

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                                    (possessed)
                                    I am Harbane, the Demon-King.  In ages
                                    past, I ruled the world, until an army of
                                     mighty wizards sought to depose me. 
                                    Their forces were greater than my own, so 
                                    hid my soul in this crown, awaiting the day
                                    when someone would put it on and enable
                                    my return!  This is a strong body - it will
                                    serve me well!

                                                            FLOOP
                                    What makes you think an army of
                                     wizards won't defeat you again? 

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                                    (possessed)
                                    I can use this body to send my will
                                    over the world!  I sense no wizard is
                                    alive today with half my power! 

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Are you sure you looked everywhere? 
                                    Across the seas, and everything? 

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                                    (possessed)
                                    Yes!  I can send my will through the howling
                                    snows of the far North at the same time I
                                    send it into the sultry heat of the rainforests!

                                                            FLOOP
                                    And you compared yourself with every
                                    wizard?  We've got some very powerful
                                    wizards these days!  Maybe they're
                                    shielding their powers from you!

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                                (possessed)
                                    Never!  I can search into every corner
                                    of their minds!  I can...  I can... Oh, my head! 
                                    I can...  I think I overdid.... This mind!  The
                                    mind of this body...  No!  It's the mind of an
                                    idiot!  I overdid....  I went too far....  I 
                                    AHHHHHH!

And Harbane, the Demon-King burns out his soul by trying to use too much mental power in the tiny brain of Zargotz the Strong.  Zargotz faints.  Floop takes the crown from off of Zargotz's head and cries out in pain.

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Owww!  That thing's hot!

Floop drops the crown and sucks his fingers!  Zargotz regains consciousness.

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    Floop!  Where am I?  What happened?

                                                            FLOOP
                                    A Demon-King tried to possess you, but he
                                    couldn't cope your incredibly insufficient 
                                    brain. 

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    Ha!  By the great god Farquog, he won't
                                    try to possess me again!

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Or anyone else, I'll bet.  That crown felt
                                    like it was burning up!

Floop gingerly picks up the crown.  It's still hot, but not burning hot.  Enter the Merchant!

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    You found it!  You found the Crown of
                                    Coremangor!  Give it to me!

                                                            FLOOP
                                    Not so fast!  First give us the four hundred
                                    fifty thasolians you still owe us.

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    Very well.  Here you are!

The Merchant hands Floop a very large purse of coins.  Floop hands the Merchant the Crown.  The Merchant prepares to put it on.

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    Much good will those coins do you when
                                    Harbane the Demon-King returns to rule
                                    the world!

The Merchant puts on the crown.  Nothing happens.  The Merchant takes off the crown, exams it, and puts it on again.  Still, nothing happens.

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    What have you done???  The spell is
                                    broken! 

                                                            FLOOP
                                    The spell wasn't part of our bargain! 

The Merchant advances menacingly on Floop.

                                                            FLOOP 
                                    My friend Zargotz the Strong doesn't
                                    like it when people try to change the
                                    bargain.

                                                            ZARGOTZ
                                    I do not like it when people change the 
                                    bargain!

                                                            MERCHANT
                                    Oh, very well!

The Merchant exits.  The Bard enters on the other side of the stage.

                                                            BARD
                                    Thus concludes the stirring adventure of
                                    Zargotz the Strong and the Lost Crown
                                    Crown of Coremangor!

Floop clears his throat.

                                                            BARD
                                    Also featuring Floop the Clever.

BLACKOUT!

THE END

 

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 THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
scripts

2005 by Richard Nathan.  All rights reserved

The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use.  No other use may be made without the author's permission.  Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express  permission.

Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.