THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
Return of Zargotz the Strong
and Floop the Clever
in the Age of Wizardry!"
by Richard Nathan
Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:
Come sit by the feet of the old bard, as he
tells tales of a time when giants roamed the world,
when dragons breathed white hot fire and
wizards cast spells of arcane magic, stories of
Zargotz the Strong and Floop the Clever in the
Age of Wizardry!
A light comes up come up on a BARD who will narrate the story.
Many are the tales of heroes who
strode the Earth in days gone by, but
none stir my heart as do the tales
Zargotz the strong. He was a veritable
colossus, a mountain of a man. Compared
with him, the peoples of the earth today
are puny mice.
A light comes up on the other side of the stage, where stand ZARGOTZ the Strong and his companion FLOOP the clever. Zargotz look appropriately heroic. Floop looks ticked off. Floop clears his throat. As an afterthought, the Bard remembers to mention our other hero.
And speaking of puny mice, I should perhaps
mention that this tale also features Zargotz's loyal
companion, Floop the Clever.
The Bard exits. COUNT PINDAR, a nobleman, enters and gives a bag of coins to Floop.
Here is your advance payment. But how do I
know that when you find the Jewel of the
Anzula, you won't sell to a higher bidder!
By the great god Farquog, what do you take us
for? We are honest men!
No. We're thieves, Zargotz! He's hiring us because
But we are honest thieves!
Will you swear on your mother's life that you
will do your best to find the Jewel of Anzula
and bring it to me?
Before Floop can stop him, Zargotz puts up his hand and swears:
Enter a GUARD and Zargotz's MOTHER. The guard has a sword against the Mother's neck.
Zargotz, you idiot!
Zargotz starts to draw his sword, but the guard threatens to behead Zargotz's mother. Floop puts his hand up to stop Zargotz.
You won't mind then if I keep your mother with me
until you bring me the Jewel.
The Guard takes the Mother back off stage.
Tell us about this Jewel of Anzula.
I hunger for her! She is the most beautiful woman
my eyes have ever beheld!
We do not steal people.
You will now, if you value your mother's life! The
Jewel of Anzula is a novice at the Temple of
Yeah. It means someone who is inexperienced.
An inexperienced virgin!
That's the best kind.
Get me the Jewel of Anzula or Zargotz's mother
will die! So says Count Pindar!
Count Pindar exits.
By the great god Farquog, we can't steal a woman.
We'll think of something. Let's talk to this Jewel.
Maybe she's tired of being a virgin.
Floop and Zargotz exit as the Bard enters.
And so Zargotz the Strong went the Temple of
Virgins, accompanied by his companion Floop.
The Bard exits. Enter Zargotz and Floor from one side of the stage, and from the other side MABEL, High Priestess of the Spider-God Anzula. Mabel looks much more like a harlot than a virgin.
Can I help you?
We seem to have lost our way. We were
looking for the Temple of Virgins.
You found it. I'm Mabel, the High Priestess.
By the great god Farquog, can it be that you
are... that you... are...
A virgin? I'm what we call a Vestigial Virgin.
Vestigial! It means, a trace remaining of something
that once existed, but now is pretty much gone.
You got it!
Are all your virgins vestigial?
All but one. We always have one true virgin, who is
serves as daughter of Anzula the Spider-God, until
she mates, and becomes another Vestigial Virgin. Then
we bring in another true virgin.
Your current true virgin, we would speak with her?
You can do more than speak. It's time for her to
join the Vestigials, if you know what I mean, so
if you'd like to take part in the ceremony, you're
By the great god, Farquog!
Hold on, Zargotz. Think of your mother!
Zargotz looks sickened.
Our virgin is very attractive. Some call her the
Jewel of Anzula.
Mabel shouts off-stage.
Hey, Jewel! Come here!
The JEWEL of Anzula enters.
Mabel, forgive me for being suspicious, but
I wouldn't think finding men for this particular
ceremony would be difficult. The fact that you
would ask a stranger leads me to suspect there
might be an unpleasant aspect to this service.
Don't you trust me?
No. But maybe if I assure you we'll find a
mate for the Jewel, and if I make this small
contribution to your temple...
Floop shows Mabel the bag of coins that Count Pindar gave Floop at the beginning of the story. Mabel grabs it.
Thanks for the offering. I guess I forgot to
mention that when daughters of the Spider-
God mate, we take on a characteristic of some
spiders. We devour the male.
Holy rat puke!
It is a small price to pay for the blessing of the
Anzula, the Spider God. Now I think you
promised a mate for the Jewel?
We know a nobleman in the city who hungers for
Not half as much as she hungers for him. Take her
with you, and bring her back when you're done.
By the great god Farquog, are we really going to....
Of course we are, Zargotz. We gave him our word!
Come with us, Jewel. We're taking you to dinner.
Zargotz, Floop and the Jewel exit as the Bard enters.
And so Zargotz and Floop brought the Jewel of
of Anzula back to the castle of Count Pindar.
On the other side of the stage, Zargotz Floop and the Jewel enter. A beat later, Count Pindar enters. The Count gazes eagerly at the Jewel. The Count gives Floop another bag of coins and gestures to someone off-stage. The guard brings in Zargotz's mother and hands her to Zargotz. Then the Count leads the Jewel off-stage.
The Count rewarded Floop with gold coins and
Zargotz with the return of his mother. Then took he
the Jewel of Anzula to his bed. But soon his cries
of lust turned into screams of terror as the Jewel
transformed into a thing of unspeakable horror!
From off-stage comes the SCREAM of the Count.
After she had dined, she turned back to the lovely
young woman known as the Jewel of Anzula.
The Jewel enters, delicately wiping her mouth with a napkin.
May we walk back to the temple now? I
always like to take a long walk after a heavy
May the great god Farquog forgive us all.
Zargotz, you're an idiot.
Thus concludes the stirring adventure of
Zargotz the Strong and the Jewel of Anzula.
Floop clears his throat.
Also featuring Floop the clever.
here to go to more
THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
© 2005 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
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