THEATER OF
THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
"The
Return of Zargotz the Strong
and Floop the Clever
in the Age of Wizardry!"
by Richard Nathan
Before the lights come up, a voice introduces the story:
VOICE
Come sit by the feet of the old bard, as he
tells tales of a time when giants roamed the world,
when dragons breathed white hot fire and
wizards cast spells of arcane magic, stories of
Zargotz the Strong and Floop the Clever in the
Age of Wizardry!
A light comes up come up on a BARD who will narrate the story.
BARD
Many are the tales of heroes who
strode the Earth in days gone by, but
none stir my heart as do the tales
Zargotz the strong. He was a veritable
colossus, a mountain of a man. Compared
with him, the peoples of the earth
today
are puny mice.
A light comes up on the other side of the stage, where stand ZARGOTZ the Strong and his companion FLOOP the clever. Zargotz look appropriately heroic. Floop looks ticked off. Floop clears his throat. As an afterthought, the Bard remembers to mention our other hero.
BARD
And speaking of puny mice, I should perhaps
mention that this tale also features Zargotz's loyal
companion, Floop the Clever.
The Bard exits. COUNT PINDAR, a nobleman, enters and gives a bag of coins to Floop.
COUNT PINDAR
Here is your advance payment. But how do I
know that when you find the Jewel of the
Anzula, you won't sell to a higher bidder!
ZARGOTZ
By the great god Farquog, what do you take us
for? We are honest men!
FLOOP
No. We're thieves, Zargotz! He's hiring us because
we're thieves!
ZARGOTZ
But we are honest thieves!
COUNT PINDAR
Will you swear on your mother's life that you
will do your best to find the Jewel of Anzula
and bring it to me?
Before Floop can stop him, Zargotz puts up his hand and swears:
ZARGOTZ
I swear!
Enter a GUARD and Zargotz's MOTHER. The guard has a sword against the Mother's neck.
MOTHER
Zargotz, you idiot!
ZARGOTZ
Mom!!!
Zargotz starts to draw his sword, but the guard threatens to behead Zargotz's mother. Floop puts his hand up to stop Zargotz.
COUNT PINDAR
You won't mind then if I keep your mother with me
until you bring me the Jewel.
The Guard takes the Mother back off stage.
FLOOP
Tell us about this Jewel of Anzula.
COUNT PINDAR
I hunger for her! She is the most beautiful woman
my eyes have ever beheld!
FLOOP
Woman!
ZARGOTZ
We do not steal people.
COUNT PINDAR
You will now, if you value your mother's life! The
Jewel of Anzula is a novice at the Temple of
Virgins.
ZARGOTZ
Novice.
FLOOP
Yeah. It means someone who is inexperienced.
ZARGOTZ
An inexperienced virgin!
FLOOP
That's the best kind.
COUNT PINDAR
Get me the Jewel of Anzula or Zargotz's mother
will die! So says Count Pindar!
Count Pindar exits.
ZARGOTZ
By the great god Farquog, we can't steal a woman.
Can we?
FLOOP
We'll think of something. Let's talk to this Jewel.
Maybe she's tired of being a virgin.
Floop and Zargotz exit as the Bard enters.
BARD
And so Zargotz the Strong went the Temple of
Virgins, accompanied by his companion Floop.
The Bard exits. Enter Zargotz and Floor from one side of the stage, and from the other side MABEL, High Priestess of the Spider-God Anzula. Mabel looks much more like a harlot than a virgin.
MABEL
Can I help you?
FLOOP
We seem to have lost our way. We were
looking for the Temple of Virgins.
MABEL
You found it. I'm Mabel, the High Priestess.
ZARGOTZ
By the great god Farquog, can it be that you
are... that you... are...
MABEL
A virgin? I'm what we call a Vestigial Virgin.
ZARGOTZ
Vestal?
FLOOP
Vestigial! It means, a trace remaining of something
that once existed, but now is pretty much gone.
MABEL
You got it!
FLOOP
Are all your virgins vestigial?
MABEL
All but one. We always have one true virgin, who is
serves as daughter of Anzula the Spider-God, until
she mates, and becomes another Vestigial Virgin. Then
we bring in another true virgin.
ZARGOTZ
Your current true virgin, we would speak with her?
MABEL
You can do more than speak. It's time for her to
join the Vestigials, if you know what I mean, so
if you'd like to take part in the ceremony, you're
welcome to....
ZARGOTZ
By the great god, Farquog!
FLOOP
Hold on, Zargotz. Think of your mother!
Zargotz looks sickened.
MABEL
Our virgin is very attractive. Some call her the
Jewel of Anzula.
Mabel shouts off-stage.
MABEL
Hey, Jewel! Come here!
The JEWEL of Anzula enters.
FLOOP
Mabel, forgive me for being suspicious, but
I wouldn't think finding men for this particular
ceremony
would be difficult. The fact that you
would ask a stranger leads me to suspect there
might be an unpleasant aspect to this service.
MABEL
Don't you trust me?
FLOOP
No. But maybe if I assure you we'll find a
mate for the Jewel, and if I make this small
contribution to your temple...
Floop shows Mabel the bag of coins that Count Pindar gave Floop at the beginning of the story. Mabel grabs it.
MABEL
Thanks for the offering. I guess I forgot to
mention that when daughters of the Spider-
God mate, we take on a characteristic of some
spiders. We devour the male.
FLOOP
Holy rat puke!
MABEL
It is a small price to pay for the blessing of the
Anzula, the Spider God. Now I think you
promised a mate for the Jewel?
FLOOP
We know a nobleman in the city who hungers for
her.
MABEL
Not half as much as she hungers for him. Take her
with you, and bring her back when you're done.
Mabel exits.
ZARGOTZ
By the great god Farquog, are we really going to....
FLOOP
Of course we are, Zargotz. We gave him our word!
Come with us, Jewel. We're taking you to dinner.
Zargotz, Floop and the Jewel exit as the Bard enters.
BARD
And so Zargotz and Floop brought the Jewel of
of Anzula back to the castle of Count Pindar.
On the other side of the stage, Zargotz Floop and the Jewel enter. A beat later, Count Pindar enters. The Count gazes eagerly at the Jewel. The Count gives Floop another bag of coins and gestures to someone off-stage. The guard brings in Zargotz's mother and hands her to Zargotz. Then the Count leads the Jewel off-stage.
BARD
The Count rewarded Floop with gold coins and
Zargotz with the return of his mother. Then took he
the Jewel of Anzula to his bed. But soon his cries
of lust turned into screams of terror as the Jewel
transformed into a thing of unspeakable horror!
From off-stage comes the SCREAM of the Count.
BARD
After she had dined, she turned back to the lovely
young woman known as the Jewel of Anzula.
The Jewel enters, delicately wiping her mouth with a napkin.
JEWEL
May we walk back to the temple now? I
always like to take a long walk after a heavy
meal.
ZARGOTZ
May the great god Farquog forgive us all.
MOTHER
Zargotz, you're an idiot.
BARD
Thus concludes the stirring adventure of
Zargotz the Strong and the Jewel of Anzula.
Floop clears his throat.
BARD
Also featuring Floop the clever.
BLACKOUT!
THE END
Click
here to go to more
THEATER OF THRILLS AND HIGH ADVENTURE!
scripts
© 2005 by Richard Nathan. All rights reserved
The author grants all internet uses to print these scripts for their own, personal, non-commercial use. No other use may be made without the author's permission. Without limiting the foregoing, the plays may not be staged without the author's express permission.
Send e-mail to the author at Richard-Nathan@att.net.